2011 has brought a lot of new feelings, new experiences, new emotions.
After Dennis deployed, I learned how to go from being a new Mommy to a Mommy and a Daddy. I took on every responsibility in the house. Some, I failed at. Other things I feel I succeeded at.
This year I took a full course load in school, was FRG leader, arranged a move across the world, and started the extremely slow process of rebuilding my shattered world.
Hopefully 2012 will bring the Little and I plenty of amazing moments. How I wish I could be celebrating with my friends in Germany, I know the things are where God has planned. I may not like them, but it is all about accepting what I cannot change and dealing with what I have on my plate.
I've learned a lot in 2011, I've been let down and I've seen the people that will be there through it all. I've laughed and cried; made new friends and said "see ya later" to old friends.
I don't know where I'll be this time next year, but I can't say I regret any decision that I made. I've grown from each individual one.
So here's to you 2011, a year I'd love to say I "wish I could forget" but one I know will make me stronger when I look back on it.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Day 22 – A picture of something you never leave the house without
There a lot of things I typically don't leave the house without doing. My make up, toenails painted (if I'm wearing flip flops; or toe revealing shoes), hair at least done (even if done means a messy bun) and of course when I leave the house with the Little, I have to make sure we've got enough diapers, wipes, snacks, juice cup, and pacifier with the cool leash.
But rarely (if ever) do I leave the house without my cell phone. I'm the one that will run up the 7 flights of stairs to grab my cell phone when I've forgotten it.
Its so funny to think about how much technology has changed lives today. Not only are we breaking through in the medical field, you can access the internet at any time, anywhere, and do basically anything.
And even now I cannot imagine leaving the house without a phone that connects me to the internet. Or actually my phone at all. I don't even know how the people who lived in even the 1980's survived. What did they do when their car broke down on the side of the road? I mean I totally get walking to the nearest house/gas station and using their pay phone. But that would really suck. Its amazing at how much things have grown.
Once people had to keep track of their money by balancing their check books and comparing their end of month bank statements. Now we have online banking and our account balance available at our fingertips. Letter writing, check writing, and typewriter ribbon are all a thing of the past.
With everything we have now I'm curious to see what is going to be the next thing. I wonder what Kaylin won't leave the house without.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Day 21 – A picture of something you wish you could forget
Typically I am not one of those people who wants to forget things. Not because there isn't plenty that I could wish to forget, but more because I believe that every experience, whether good or bad, has shaped who I am today. Even with all the bad with Dennis, I wouldn't have my adorable little girl to spoil the heck out of this Christmas.
Early in high school, I went through a huge horror movie phase. I wanted to see them all, Friday the 13th, The Exorcist, Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween. You name it, my goal was to see it. Not because they scared me, more because they were funny and it definitely peeked my interested. In the middle of The Exorcist my mom came down and says,
Has her head spun around and has she puked green slime, yet?
No mom, but thanks for ruining the movie.
However there is one movie I could have lived without seeing. Pet Sematary. That movie is as weird as it is creepy. Unlike some of my other friends, the creepiest and grossest part of the entire movie was when the little creepy, half dead toddler (would that count as a zombie toddler??!!) sliced the Achilles Tendon's of the old guy as he leaned over to look under the bed.
Knowing what I know about anatomy, that man wouldn't be able to walk. You know, the Achilles Tendon connects the heel to the muscles of the lower leg. Not only would the elderly man be bleeding out and in an enormous amount of pain, but he'd also be completely unable to walk. Without your Achilles Tendon, your calf muscles would curl up and you'd be out of luck.
THAT is definitely an image that I wouldn't mine forgetting.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
My hanger hand...
Around the same time I started hanging my own clothes up, I realized my aversion to wire hangers. I loathe the way they feel, all covered (though some aren't) with the plastic sheath. They are just a pain, too thin, too small and just don't look right hanging up in a clothes.
After living on my own, I noticed one thing. I liked required my hangers to all match. Color, shape, style. They can't differ, it makes me crazy! I even have a slight preference to white ones with the little hooks underneath the top part of the hanger so its easy to hook cami's and tank tops.
Morale of that story, the hangers have to be white. All matching, white hangers. Laugh, its okay I'll be here when you stop.
Better? Perfect.
Now I've worked a fair few retail jobs. However never in all my memory (which either is apparently not that great [highly possible] or I'm choosing to forget) have I worked with hangers like the ones at my current job. I'm not sure if it is the metal stands they use to hold the clothes, the hangers themselves, or a strange, yet probable, combination of both. But those hangers are NASTY. I can unload the fitting room first thing on my shift and my "hanger hand" is already got black marks on it. Did I already mention they are a weird combination of wire top and plastic bottom? No, okay well now you know.
I continually joke with a few girls at work that I am going to start wearing a sort of apron to work equipped with my awesome size remover tool that I'm fairly certain I could use as a self defense weapon in a dire emergency, an oversize bottle of industrial strength hand sanitizer, and about 30 pens and a note pad. I'm not totally positive how well it would go over with our "dress casual" dress code, but maybe if I got a fancy 3 pocket apron with lace?
Either way, I'm at least seriously considering carrying around my own yummy scented hand sanitizer. My hanger hand always seem to wreak of old metal, dirt, and sweat. And for some reason, it feels like it never goes away. Which is why I need my yummy scented Bath & Body Works sanitizer. Well that and the fact that I bought 5 small travel bottles when I first got here and apparently don't go through it nearly as fast as I did in Germany where is was nearly impossible to find a replacement bottle.
While lathering my hands with yet another dose of sanitizer, probably the 3rd for the evening I was joking about my "hanger hand". My mind always goes a mile a minute, unless that is slow then I'll say at the speed of light, (take your pick) and I began thinking of hands. Thinking of hands led me to that one scene in Scary Movie 2 where the creepy guy sticks out his deformed hand to help the guy up and goes, "Here! Take my good hand."
Oh gosh while you sit there confused I'll just get you a picture...
See now all you can think about is me going around the store with my "hanger hand" and quoting this movie. Its okay, you can laugh now.
After living on my own, I noticed one thing. I
Morale of that story, the hangers have to be white. All matching, white hangers. Laugh, its okay I'll be here when you stop.
Better? Perfect.
Now I've worked a fair few retail jobs. However never in all my memory (which either is apparently not that great [highly possible] or I'm choosing to forget) have I worked with hangers like the ones at my current job. I'm not sure if it is the metal stands they use to hold the clothes, the hangers themselves, or a strange, yet probable, combination of both. But those hangers are NASTY. I can unload the fitting room first thing on my shift and my "hanger hand" is already got black marks on it. Did I already mention they are a weird combination of wire top and plastic bottom? No, okay well now you know.
I continually joke with a few girls at work that I am going to start wearing a sort of apron to work equipped with my awesome size remover tool that I'm fairly certain I could use as a self defense weapon in a dire emergency, an oversize bottle of industrial strength hand sanitizer, and about 30 pens and a note pad. I'm not totally positive how well it would go over with our "dress casual" dress code, but maybe if I got a fancy 3 pocket apron with lace?
Either way, I'm at least seriously considering carrying around my own yummy scented hand sanitizer. My hanger hand always seem to wreak of old metal, dirt, and sweat. And for some reason, it feels like it never goes away. Which is why I need my yummy scented Bath & Body Works sanitizer. Well that and the fact that I bought 5 small travel bottles when I first got here and apparently don't go through it nearly as fast as I did in Germany where is was nearly impossible to find a replacement bottle.
While lathering my hands with yet another dose of sanitizer, probably the 3rd for the evening I was joking about my "hanger hand". My mind always goes a mile a minute, unless that is slow then I'll say at the speed of light, (take your pick) and I began thinking of hands. Thinking of hands led me to that one scene in Scary Movie 2 where the creepy guy sticks out his deformed hand to help the guy up and goes, "Here! Take my good hand."
Oh gosh while you sit there confused I'll just get you a picture...
See now all you can think about is me going around the store with my "hanger hand" and quoting this movie. Its okay, you can laugh now.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Where are the spoons going?!
College, the time when young adults find themselves. Some spend night after night in an alcohol induced slumber, while others have a table at the school library just for themselves. Its all about the changes. The first weeks of being "on your own", no parents to tell you what to do or how to spend your time, living with a roommate in such close quarters, having only class to attend part of the time. It all took some massive getting used to. After reading Meredith's blog on how people like to steal her underwear, I recalled some of my short, yet eventful "roommate" experiences.
For the first two years of my college life, I attended the University of Northern Colorado in pursuit of a nursing degree. I decided at the last minute that I was going to switch from the University of North Dakota (see a pattern here?) and go closer to home, and in doing so I was behind in getting everything together. By the time I had gotten all my ducks in a row, I was in one of the last remaining dorms on campus. It was by far the more expensive of the dorms but hey, I didn't have a community bathroom. Which sucked quite a few times when you had to pee and you're roommate was showering.
I remember when my housing assignment came in the mail. I was so excited, I had a roommate. I got the college experience. My roommate and I made plans to meet for lunch one day. I remember being struck by how pretty she was. Sort of like a dark haired Barbie doll. We got along fairly well, even worked out what each of us was going to bring for the dorm. I was in charge of bringing the microwave, coffee pot and a few other odds and ends.
When we finally got settled into our new roles as independent, college students I noticed how very different we really were. I was sort of a home body. I liked to stay at the dorms, study and talk to my (then) boyfriend, who became my husband. Not that I didn't enjoy cutting loose with friends, getting massively intoxicated and running around town really wasn't my cup of tea; for a while anyways.
That first year it was sort of like I didn't even have a roommate. She always slept at her boyfriend's house, was rarely at the dorm. After the beginning of the spring semester, she moved over to the other campus after breaking up with that boyfriend. So I pretty much had an entire room to myself, while paying for only half.
She wasn't by far the worst roommate ever, but I really can't complain...much.
During that year I had another friend that I knew in high school. We got really close and even agreed to get an apartment off campus together with Dennis. We moved in the following August a few days before classes started.
My grandmother had given me the majority of the stuff she had in her house with my grandfather after he passed away, so I offered to bring up my stuff to help furnish the apartment. It sure beat paying storage fees! The three of us lived in a sort of "bliss" for a few months until something, unknown to me, drove Dennis and I apart from her.
Suddenly Dennis and I were having more of these kinds of conversations:
Slowly our spoons started disappearing. One by one. Eventually we only had 4 or so left, so I had to pull out the random spare set my grandmother had always used.
I was completely and totally baffled. I didn't get it. The dishes were hand washed and I had checked every nook and cranny of that apartment that was ours or shared. The only logical explanation:
Even now, 4 years later I still don't have a full set of spoons. I think I ended up with 5. And I'm still not 100% sure where all my spoons went.
For the first two years of my college life, I attended the University of Northern Colorado in pursuit of a nursing degree. I decided at the last minute that I was going to switch from the University of North Dakota (see a pattern here?) and go closer to home, and in doing so I was behind in getting everything together. By the time I had gotten all my ducks in a row, I was in one of the last remaining dorms on campus. It was by far the more expensive of the dorms but hey, I didn't have a community bathroom. Which sucked quite a few times when you had to pee and you're roommate was showering.
I remember when my housing assignment came in the mail. I was so excited, I had a roommate. I got the college experience. My roommate and I made plans to meet for lunch one day. I remember being struck by how pretty she was. Sort of like a dark haired Barbie doll. We got along fairly well, even worked out what each of us was going to bring for the dorm. I was in charge of bringing the microwave, coffee pot and a few other odds and ends.
When we finally got settled into our new roles as independent, college students I noticed how very different we really were. I was sort of a home body. I liked to stay at the dorms, study and talk to my (then) boyfriend, who became my husband. Not that I didn't enjoy cutting loose with friends, getting massively intoxicated and running around town really wasn't my cup of tea; for a while anyways.
That first year it was sort of like I didn't even have a roommate. She always slept at her boyfriend's house, was rarely at the dorm. After the beginning of the spring semester, she moved over to the other campus after breaking up with that boyfriend. So I pretty much had an entire room to myself, while paying for only half.
She wasn't by far the worst roommate ever, but I really can't complain...much.
During that year I had another friend that I knew in high school. We got really close and even agreed to get an apartment off campus together with Dennis. We moved in the following August a few days before classes started.
My grandmother had given me the majority of the stuff she had in her house with my grandfather after he passed away, so I offered to bring up my stuff to help furnish the apartment. It sure beat paying storage fees! The three of us lived in a sort of "bliss" for a few months until something, unknown to me, drove Dennis and I apart from her.
Suddenly Dennis and I were having more of these kinds of conversations:
Dennis are there anymore spoons lying around?He motions toward our roommate's closed bedroom door.
No. I found them all. At least the ones we used.
Are you sure? We used to have like 8 of them. Now there are 5.
I don't know, Ash. Maybe they are in her room.
Slowly our spoons started disappearing. One by one. Eventually we only had 4 or so left, so I had to pull out the random spare set my grandmother had always used.
I was completely and totally baffled. I didn't get it. The dishes were hand washed and I had checked every nook and cranny of that apartment that was ours or shared. The only logical explanation:
She's taking my spoons, Dennis.I stick my hand out toward her door once again. It was the only part of the apartment I hadn't looked. I was trying to give her every possible amount of privacy I could. I didn't have any other evidence. In fact it was possible the spoons were somewhere at work but we hardly ever brought our lunches from home, so I wasn't hopeful.
What do you mean 'she's taking your spoons'?
I have searched this apartment high and low, cleaned every possible small surface. They have to be in THERE.
Even now, 4 years later I still don't have a full set of spoons. I think I ended up with 5. And I'm still not 100% sure where all my spoons went.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Day 20 – A picture of somewhere you’d love to travel
Unlike many of my friends, I never had a huge travel bug. Sure I'd like to go see some of these far and distant places, but I didn't feel like my life would be incomplete if I didn't.
When I started high school, my World History (should that be capitalized?) teacher told us how he takes a small group of students to far off places during their senior year's spring break. I remember my dad coming home from parent's night that year and we began talking about my favorite teacher.
A few years later, my senior year of high school, I found out that teacher was taking students to Europe for 10 days. 10 days in London, Paris, and Rome. I went home and told my Dad I was determined to make that MY trip. And low and behold, I spent 10 amazing days in Europe.
Now let's not forget our 2 years in Germany. Even though we didn't travel nearly as much as I would have liked, being able to say that I lived in Germany and had my daughter in Germany is something the majority of people don't get to say.
Of all the places I've had the pleasure to visit in my short life, there are still plenty of places the travel bug in me is itching to see. With this post my mind jumped from various locations across the globe, mostly tropical with this time of year.
However, I would LOVE to visit Australia. The Great Down Under.
When we lived in Germany I would always watch this wanna be version of Baywatch mixed with the reality of one of the most dangerous beaches in the world. Bondi Rescue became one of my favorite shows, nearly instantaneously. I mean who wouldn't love hot, Australian men (with that incredibly yummy accent) who are in astonishing shape, running around on a beach saving lives. I would get into trouble on that beach just to be rescued by one.
Insert my desire to visit the island. I certainly wouldn't mind seeing a kangaroo in its native habitat, swim in ice blue water, and spend Christmas Day with my toes buried deep in warm sand.
Honestly, who wouldn't want to visit? Look how pretty it is!
When I started high school, my World History (should that be capitalized?) teacher told us how he takes a small group of students to far off places during their senior year's spring break. I remember my dad coming home from parent's night that year and we began talking about my favorite teacher.
A few years later, my senior year of high school, I found out that teacher was taking students to Europe for 10 days. 10 days in London, Paris, and Rome. I went home and told my Dad I was determined to make that MY trip. And low and behold, I spent 10 amazing days in Europe.
Now let's not forget our 2 years in Germany. Even though we didn't travel nearly as much as I would have liked, being able to say that I lived in Germany and had my daughter in Germany is something the majority of people don't get to say.
Of all the places I've had the pleasure to visit in my short life, there are still plenty of places the travel bug in me is itching to see. With this post my mind jumped from various locations across the globe, mostly tropical with this time of year.
When we lived in Germany I would always watch this wanna be version of Baywatch mixed with the reality of one of the most dangerous beaches in the world. Bondi Rescue became one of my favorite shows, nearly instantaneously. I mean who wouldn't love hot, Australian men (with that incredibly yummy accent) who are in astonishing shape, running around on a beach saving lives. I would get into trouble on that beach just to be rescued by one.
Insert my desire to visit the island. I certainly wouldn't mind seeing a kangaroo in its native habitat, swim in ice blue water, and spend Christmas Day with my toes buried deep in warm sand.
Honestly, who wouldn't want to visit? Look how pretty it is!
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Day 19 – A picture of something you love to do.
My fascination with cross stitch began at a young age when a family friend had a baby. I wanted to make her something, but I really didn't have any ideas. My mom suggested that I try adding cross stitch to a bib from Hobby Lobby.
Now nearly a decade later, I am still finding little projects to do. I really enjoy making baby record's. I absolutely love the one I chose for my Little.
It keeps my hands busy when I don't really want to be doing something actively. Plus its nice to stab something every once in a while. Hehe! I love to see something that started out small, plain and ordinary turn into something completely extraordinary. Sometimes I complete the projects quickly, and others life completely gets in the way. But after I'm done with every one of them, I'm able to look at it with pride.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Comparisons
Everyone does it. You can't deny it.
I want her hair.
Her car is better than mine.
She understands this material better than I do. If she can understand it, I'm out of luck.
The list goes on and on. Because we all do it. Heck even I'm guilty of it, almost constantly. But then today I log into my Facebook, and one of my applications is a little quote thing. Its called, "God Wants You to Know". Sure a lot of them are about not taking the small things for granted, getting out and enjoying nature, and love being everywhere around us.
Some days the application hits the nail on the head, its exactly what I needed to hear, when I needed to hear it. Other days the message is meaningful but doesn't necessarily smack me in the face.
Then I got this today...
WOW. The more I thought about it the more I enjoyed it; the more meaningful it became. In our society we spend so much time trying to be the next best thing. We watch fashion shows on TV, idolize models who are overly skinny, and watch as celebrities drop their baby weight in the blink of an eye.
As a society we get so caught up in what everyone else is doing that we forget that we are individuals with our very own potential. Even I am guilty of doing it. I can't even think of how many times this week I've idolized someone else. I've even done the "I wish I was her" 's lately. What can I say I'm human.
I get so wrapped up in what I want I forget what all I have. I forget what my goals and potential really are. My focus has shifted from doing what I know I can, to being something that everyone seems to want. And now I realize that I will never get anywhere by doing that. I can never achieve my dreams of being a nurse and taking care of Kaylin, if I don't look at myself instead of comparing myself to everyone else.
So my dear reader(s) stop looking at the world to give you the answers you are so desperately looking for. Instead, look at yourself and make what you want happen. Then you'll find that you're just as happy as Jane across the street. Do it for yourself.
I want her hair.
Her car is better than mine.
She understands this material better than I do. If she can understand it, I'm out of luck.
The list goes on and on. Because we all do it. Heck even I'm guilty of it, almost constantly. But then today I log into my Facebook, and one of my applications is a little quote thing. Its called, "God Wants You to Know". Sure a lot of them are about not taking the small things for granted, getting out and enjoying nature, and love being everywhere around us.
Some days the application hits the nail on the head, its exactly what I needed to hear, when I needed to hear it. Other days the message is meaningful but doesn't necessarily smack me in the face.
Then I got this today...
On this day of your life, Ashlee, we believe God wants you to know...that you need to stop comparing yourself to other people. Some people are great singers, some are really smart and others are great athletes. But none of them are, or ever could be you. You are one of a kind. So stop comparing yourself to other people. You can't be them any more than they can be you.
WOW. The more I thought about it the more I enjoyed it; the more meaningful it became. In our society we spend so much time trying to be the next best thing. We watch fashion shows on TV, idolize models who are overly skinny, and watch as celebrities drop their baby weight in the blink of an eye.
As a society we get so caught up in what everyone else is doing that we forget that we are individuals with our very own potential. Even I am guilty of doing it. I can't even think of how many times this week I've idolized someone else. I've even done the "I wish I was her" 's lately. What can I say I'm human.
I get so wrapped up in what I want I forget what all I have. I forget what my goals and potential really are. My focus has shifted from doing what I know I can, to being something that everyone seems to want. And now I realize that I will never get anywhere by doing that. I can never achieve my dreams of being a nurse and taking care of Kaylin, if I don't look at myself instead of comparing myself to everyone else.
So my dear reader(s) stop looking at the world to give you the answers you are so desperately looking for. Instead, look at yourself and make what you want happen. Then you'll find that you're just as happy as Jane across the street. Do it for yourself.
Day 18 – A picture of the sexiest Woman alive
Sexy; excitingly appealing; glamorous.
Men drool over her. A vast majority of women will at least admit she's pretty. (Mostly because there aren't many women on the planet who will admit ANY woman is prettier/sexier than she is.)
She turned heads in both Transformers 1 & 2; in her low cut shirts, her daisy-duke style shorts, and long dark hair.
I am secure enough in myself to admit she's hot. And way hotter than I am. I'm not really fishing for compliments here, just being completely and totally honest.
There are a lot of pretty women in the world. There are a lot of hot women in the world as well. Most of the time you don't even have to look at Hollywood to see them. Beauty can manifest itself in many different shapes and forms.
It can be in the form of a teenage girl who has fantastic self-confidence. Or a middle aged mom of 3, out dancing for her first girl's night in years. Or a senior citizen who still has enough energy to look like a rock star and never wear the same outfit, the exact same way twice. Yes, those are all beautiful too.
So instead of looking to the media for our image of "hot", I'm going to encourage everyone to look around themselves. Find the inner beauty in everyone. When we start doing that, the world will be a much better place.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Day 17 – A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
 |
| A snowy view of Pikes Peak from the Garden of the Gods |
Plus when it snows its like every bad driver known to mankind needs to go somewhere at the very same time I am. I don't mind going slower due to treacherous road conditions but I do mind going 5 miles an hour at the bottom of a steep hill. Sorry but there is no way that you'll make it up that hill going that slow; and now you're putting me in danger as well as yourself.
In fact, I really wouldn't even mind being snowed in somewhere up in the mountains for a few days. As long as I have a few basic, "necessities" I'll be set. Give me a fireplace, coffee, a few really warm blankets (oh my fantasy place has heat..do not be concerned), and enough food for a few days...I'd be good. See I don't mind when it snows, I just hate having to drive in it with all the other idiot drivers. In turn, I find snow peaceful and rejuvenating.
 |
| Downtown Colorado Springs |
The only place that I have seen that can take my breath away like this place, was in Bavaria, Germany. The Alps were incredible. I can't say for sure, we'd be in Germany for almost a year at that point; and when you're used to waking up to scenery like this every morning, anything that is bigger than a hill can be quite the spectacle. They reminded me of home, and for the first time since we left Colorado I felt like I belonged in that foreign country.
Okay now try and tell me that is not BEAUTIFUL.
Didn't think ya could. Though when we were there it wasn't snowing but it was chilly. I don't think I could have dealt with that walk with ice and snow. I almost died as it was. But I blame that on the 30+ minute hike up the hill to the castle itself and being 5 months pregnant.
With all the changes going on, I'm going with remember the small things. Take a step back and enjoy the spilled milk; one day you'll look around and those hand prints on your walls won't be there anymore.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Day 16 – A picture of someone who inspires you
My Papa. Possibly THE best man I have ever known; besides my Daddy.
I have always been family person. I never had that urge to be dropped off for school down the street from the building. I was rarely embarrassed by my parents dancing to pop songs in line at the mall. I actually enjoyed going shopping with my mom and sisters on Saturday nights.
Instead of spending nights out partying with my friends in high school, I spent my Friday and Saturdays at CC Hockey games with my Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, sisters and Aunt.
For a while growing up we lived with my dad at my grandparents house. They became a sort of surrogate parental figures for my sisters and I. I was born hours before my grandfathers birthday. We always celebrated our special day together. The first birthday I had after he passed away was one of the hardest days of my life.
He never got to meet my daughter or see what all I've become. But I want him to be proud. I haven't made the best decisions in life, but I know he loves me all the same. I am so thankful he was able to be here to see me graduate high school. It was such an important day for me.
So Papa, here I am. Not a day goes by when I don't think of you and how much you really mean to me. Sometimes I get angry at myself for not taking that call from Dad more seriously. I remember he called to say you were in the hospital again, but it didn't seem serious. I wish I had called you, talked to you one last time. I know nothing I will ever do will change the fact that I didn't. But I know you love me still, and you forgive me. You're probably looking down on me right now chuckling, your big old belly shaking. You always loved unconditionally. All I can do is the same.
Day 15 – A picture of something you want to do before you die
New York City. There have been songs written after it, movies and TV shows set in it, its known as the Big Apple, and its home of some of the best (from what I have heard) pizza in the world.
I'm sure to you, none of this makes sense. Honestly to me it doesn't make much sense either. I don't know where my obsession with the city came from. In fact, until 2001 I didn't know much about the city at all.
I can't remember the year, but I sat on the couch one evening and my mom had the lighting of the Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center. I watched in complete awe as famous singers sang Christmas songs, dancers performed with extreme precision, and the countdown began.
I couldn't tell you exactly what happened next, but when the tree was lit for the first time my jaw just dropped. The tree was magnificent, so clean, so tall. I admired this tree, the people it took to put together, everyone that made that one moment possible.
It was from then on I knew I wanted to be there one year when it happened. I wanted to see the Christmas Tree be lit. I want that memory to be with me and my children. There could never be anything like that.
For a few years, mostly before high school ended but after CSI:NY started, I dreamed I was going to live in New York City. I didn't care where or when. But I wanted to be there, in all that hustle and bustle. I wanted to walk to and from work, take the subway home and pick up fresh produce every night for dinner. All part of the experience, right?!
When I was trying to decide what to write for this blog, my mind went wild. I really don't have a bucket list. Mostly because I plan on living forever, but because I never really gave much thought to it. Most people want to live in a foreign country (check), go to an exotic place (check), see all sorts of European tourist attractions (check, check, check). So I really never had much of a desire for a bucket list. My mind bounced to skydiving, scuba diving, and para-sailing.
But I never quite understood why someone would want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.
The only other time I ever went scuba diving it ended badly, so that thought kinda freaks me out. However it was in 6th grade, so I wouldn't mind doing it again but not bad enough to put it on a bucket list.
Para-sailing would really be neat, but I'm not a huge boat person. So I'm not completely sure how that would go over.
But now, now this would be amazing. Going to NYC, seeing all the different tourist attractions, eating delicious food out of carts on the streets. I want the full experience.
More than anything I want to make sure my Little is old enough to experience all of it too. I want to make sure she has as much fun as I will.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Day 14 – A picture of your favorite store
All of it.
I never thought I'd miss it, in fact I always grumbled about going to Wally World when I had to. It was the last place anyone with half a brain seems to want to go, especially on payday.
I remember our first Christmas in Germany. I unwrapped all the Christmas decorations and found an old Walmart bag. Being hormonal (probably 5 week pregnant) and missing home I almost broke down in tears. I wanted to hug that good old Walmart bag.
Even now, our cupboard over flows with little plastic bags from Walmart. I'm there at least twice a week, the deals don't change much but I always manage to forget one thing I'd purposely gone for.
Walmart isn't necessary my FAVORITE of favorite stores, but its definitely the one that I frequent the most.
Now Kohls on the other hand. FAV-OR-ITE! Now I'm not boasting because I work for one, trust me they do not need the publicity from a lowly blog like mine.Its all about saving money. I remember when the Little started to outgrow her shoes. I went immediately online to search for a Shoe Carnival in the area. Much to my disappointment, all the ones in the area had been closed. Instead of spending a bunch of money on shoes that my Little was going to outgrow in a matter of months, my sister and I headed to Kohl's.
We found 2 pairs of shoes on clearance and I managed to find a new snazzy pair of sunglasses for $15! Now try and beat that! It was long before I started working there. Now I get paid to work at a store that is honestly giving something back.
I love spending 1/4 of what I saved. Go, shop!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Day 13 – A picture of your favorite band or artist
I feel like one of those teenage girls that has every song "speak" to her and is completely describing my every feeling.
They don't always get it right, but the majority of the time there is a really good message to learn from each of their songs.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
'Tis the Season
Tall pine trees, strands and strands of brightly colored lights hanging from the roof, the same songs played on the over head radio's in every retail establishment.
The time has come, its Christmas time again. Again. It feels like yesterday I was getting ready for the Little's first Christmas. I was busy buying up the PX with every various 6 month + toy I could find. I wanted it to be the most special thing for her, even though she would never remember.
For the longest time I wasn't a huge fan of Christmas. Not that I didn't love giving gifts, I loved sharing and creating joy. All I could ever see with the holiday was stress, money spending, and more stress. Even when I was in high school. Friends trying to out do each other by giving gifts, showing off their awesomeness.
In high school I worked at Chuck E Cheese. As any former CEC employee should be well aware, the segments that run on CEC TV are about 2 hours long. So in any 8 hour shift, a "cast member" (as we were so affectionately called) heard the same songs at least 4 times. "Silly Songs with Larry", various CEC covers of old hits like Elvis' "Return to Sender", and the old version of "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing" played over and over every 2 hours. Like an unforgiving countdown for my shift.
Those I could handle, shoot after a while I began to bounce around a bit and bob my head to the beat. Then, shortly after I started working was Thanksgiving. The day after is when our CD switched from annoying bits of normal everyday, music to 2 hours of Christmas music. But it wasn't any Christmas music it was Veggie Tales sing Christmas songs, and covers of a few of the good songs done by the voices of Chuck E Cheese. (Please if you've been to CEC recently do that guys voice in your head. You know you can)
After about 3 days, I was massively over hearing a squeaky version of "Jingle Bells" and "All I Want for Christmas, is You". And we had to suffer, for over a month. 5 days a week, 25-30 hours a week.
Over and Over
By the end of the holiday season I was ready to toss the DVD in with Santa's sleigh and send it farther than the North Pole.
And so began my annoyance with Christmas music. I hated the end of October, (actually I still do) when stores start putting out their Christmas decorations early in hopes that some sappy person will come and buy up stuff before November peaks its head around the corner.
I grumbled with resentment every time major retailers began their Christmas music the day after Thanksgiving. Even more than all of that, I rolled my eyes at the newest radio station to play Christmas music 24/7 until the fat man squeezes his "bowl full of jelly" down the tiniest of tiny chimneys.
I was this way for years. I wasn't a Scrooge or a grump about it all. I loved buying gifts I just didn't want it all to start so early. I wanted to enjoy each holiday, I didn't want to have to see a 9 foot pre-lit aspen tree in the store while I was shopping for my Halloween costume. Could it be that much to ask?
THEN insert my little bundle of joy. Suddenly Christmas took on an entirely different meaning. I forced Dennis out of bed the Saturday after Thanksgiving to go with me to look at new Christmas trees. Ours was falling apart and the previous year I had vowed that it would be our tree's last. I just couldn't fluff those dwindling branches up anymore than I had.
We got such a great deal on the tree that it opened us up to getting even more stuff for the Little for Christmas. Dennis and I spent hours in the PX messing with toys and saying, "Oh that one is nice." and "She'll love that." By the 15th of December not only had I bought all the Christmas presents that we were getting, but they were all wrapped and sitting nicely under the tree.
It helped that Dennis was gone for a few weeks and I had nothing better to do with my time but wrap. But I even sat there drinking my hot chocolate with my iTunes going with as many Christmas songs from Johnny Cash, Mariah Carey, and every other country star who has ever put out a Christmas album, that I could think of. I was beyond excited for this Christmas.
Once again, this year I find myself in more of the merry sorts. All of the Little's Christmas shopping is done. Even down to her stocking. I may pick up one or two more small things for it, but what she has for now will definitely do if I don't. Her "list" has been sent to Santa and she's been a very good girl this year. The only thing I really want to find is a Rascal's Christmas Ornament, so who knows that may be on my list for tomorrow. In any way, she's definitely done in the Christmas department.
I've been patiently trying to wait to wrap all her stuff, just because a lot of the boxes are bigger but tomorrow is the first day of December. Maybe I'll do it all tomorrow. :)
Looks like I've got my Little to thank once again for brightening my holiday spirit. I definitely need it.
The time has come, its Christmas time again. Again. It feels like yesterday I was getting ready for the Little's first Christmas. I was busy buying up the PX with every various 6 month + toy I could find. I wanted it to be the most special thing for her, even though she would never remember.
For the longest time I wasn't a huge fan of Christmas. Not that I didn't love giving gifts, I loved sharing and creating joy. All I could ever see with the holiday was stress, money spending, and more stress. Even when I was in high school. Friends trying to out do each other by giving gifts, showing off their awesomeness.
In high school I worked at Chuck E Cheese. As any former CEC employee should be well aware, the segments that run on CEC TV are about 2 hours long. So in any 8 hour shift, a "cast member" (as we were so affectionately called) heard the same songs at least 4 times. "Silly Songs with Larry", various CEC covers of old hits like Elvis' "Return to Sender", and the old version of "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing" played over and over every 2 hours. Like an unforgiving countdown for my shift.
Those I could handle, shoot after a while I began to bounce around a bit and bob my head to the beat. Then, shortly after I started working was Thanksgiving. The day after is when our CD switched from annoying bits of normal everyday, music to 2 hours of Christmas music. But it wasn't any Christmas music it was Veggie Tales sing Christmas songs, and covers of a few of the good songs done by the voices of Chuck E Cheese. (Please if you've been to CEC recently do that guys voice in your head. You know you can)
After about 3 days, I was massively over hearing a squeaky version of "Jingle Bells" and "All I Want for Christmas, is You". And we had to suffer, for over a month. 5 days a week, 25-30 hours a week.
Over and Over
By the end of the holiday season I was ready to toss the DVD in with Santa's sleigh and send it farther than the North Pole.
And so began my annoyance with Christmas music. I hated the end of October, (actually I still do) when stores start putting out their Christmas decorations early in hopes that some sappy person will come and buy up stuff before November peaks its head around the corner.
I grumbled with resentment every time major retailers began their Christmas music the day after Thanksgiving. Even more than all of that, I rolled my eyes at the newest radio station to play Christmas music 24/7 until the fat man squeezes his "bowl full of jelly" down the tiniest of tiny chimneys.
I was this way for years. I wasn't a Scrooge or a grump about it all. I loved buying gifts I just didn't want it all to start so early. I wanted to enjoy each holiday, I didn't want to have to see a 9 foot pre-lit aspen tree in the store while I was shopping for my Halloween costume. Could it be that much to ask?
THEN insert my little bundle of joy. Suddenly Christmas took on an entirely different meaning. I forced Dennis out of bed the Saturday after Thanksgiving to go with me to look at new Christmas trees. Ours was falling apart and the previous year I had vowed that it would be our tree's last. I just couldn't fluff those dwindling branches up anymore than I had.
We got such a great deal on the tree that it opened us up to getting even more stuff for the Little for Christmas. Dennis and I spent hours in the PX messing with toys and saying, "Oh that one is nice." and "She'll love that." By the 15th of December not only had I bought all the Christmas presents that we were getting, but they were all wrapped and sitting nicely under the tree.
It helped that Dennis was gone for a few weeks and I had nothing better to do with my time but wrap. But I even sat there drinking my hot chocolate with my iTunes going with as many Christmas songs from Johnny Cash, Mariah Carey, and every other country star who has ever put out a Christmas album, that I could think of. I was beyond excited for this Christmas.
Once again, this year I find myself in more of the merry sorts. All of the Little's Christmas shopping is done. Even down to her stocking. I may pick up one or two more small things for it, but what she has for now will definitely do if I don't. Her "list" has been sent to Santa and she's been a very good girl this year. The only thing I really want to find is a Rascal's Christmas Ornament, so who knows that may be on my list for tomorrow. In any way, she's definitely done in the Christmas department.
I've been patiently trying to wait to wrap all her stuff, just because a lot of the boxes are bigger but tomorrow is the first day of December. Maybe I'll do it all tomorrow. :)
Looks like I've got my Little to thank once again for brightening my holiday spirit. I definitely need it.
Day 12 – A picture of something you love
Stuffed animals. When I was little I loved them. All of them, every softness, every texture. I couldn't get enough of them. They never let me down when I was sad and were with me when I was happy. My bed was flooded with them, most of the time I had to knock them out of the way to sleep.
They even had their own places on the bed, and they all were there. I had a big bunny rabbit that I had won in a raffle at a local diner, a big puppy that I had begged my grandmother for, and two little snuggle bears like the ones from the commercial.
Since then I've leveled out a bit, I do enjoy getting them but now they end up with Kaylin over me. I have to make a point to stay away from the stuffed animal aisle at any major store with toys. Otherwise I'd have nothing in my bank account!
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Day 11 – A picture of something you hate
Guess what ya'll. I've got a phobia. Actually likely the majority of the population, WE have a phobia. I am Coulrophobic. I. HATE. CLOWNS.
I couldn't even bring myself to post a "real" clown. I had to settle for a drawing in pretty bright colors. Look, he's even got a creepy smile on his face.
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| I am also Masklophobic |
It all started when I was younger, maybe about 7 or 8. My family was (and mostly still is) avid Colorado College Hockey fans. Typically we'd leave right after the game ended, once in a blue moon we'd stay and chat with a friend for a few minutes.
On this particular night, we had stayed longer than usual chatting with one of my family's many hockey buddies. CC has this mascot tiger that skates around. Remember, 7 or 8 years old. I didn't really think much of it, I knew he wasn't a real tiger but I never thought about who was under that crooked head and fake fur.
So there I stand with my family as the arena (then held at the Air Force Academy) emptied and workers began the slow process of sweeping up the piles of popcorn and spilled soda off the stands. I take it all in, I hadn't been at the arena this late, ever. I had never seen it so empty but so busy.
And then I saw it. Well more like him. The mascot. He was a college kid, probably a little bit younger than I am now. Brown hair dripping with sweat and he carried out the tiger head under his arm. He was in street clothes, jeans and a shirt, but the rest had to have been in the duffle bag he was carrying.
From that point on, I had a fear of mascots. I don't know who is under those layers of sweat, fake fur, and plaster. I'd love to believe that every mascot is a 17 year old kid working his way up the food chain at his local Burger King. But I just can't. There is something about those smiles, and can't talk attitudes that have me uneasy.
I'm going to say that's why I hate clowns as well. Even though they aren't encased in a plaster head and faux fur uniform, you don't know know who is under them. And a lot of creepy old guys seem to flock to clowns. *shudder*
Monday, November 28, 2011
Day 10 – A picture of someone you do the craziest things with
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| 2008 |
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| One of MANY black and white pictures |
Erica and I had worked together years before at Chuck E Cheese. We weren't the best of friends, but I didn't hate her guts either.
When Erica found out I moved back to town, she messaged me her cell number and insisted we hang out. I wrote her back with my number and said that we'd have to plan something soon.
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| The button was a roll, that said..."This is how I roll" |
And from there it was on like Donkey Kong. We spent every
Her family became like my second family. To this day her mom, dad, and brother are "our" family. We spent Thanksgiving with her family, until the the wee hours of the morning. The inside jokes we have can't even be counted.
I honestly know that I would have never gotten through those 6 months without her. It hurt to have her leave for basic training, but I was honored to help her study so much for the ASVAB.
I love this girl, she can be miles away and I still feel like she's here with me. I miss her like crazy and I'm so glad she's happy. I can't wait to see her at Christmas time, I wonder what kind of trouble we'll all get in. :)
To my Erica Lynn...my right hand, the one I have to give so much credit to. I love you, you rock. Always. The only one who I know that can fall, flat on her face in the middle of a field for no apparent reason. <3
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Day 09 – A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
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| My Aunt and Grandma |
My aunt and grandma have always been there for me. When I've been dumped by an undeserving guy, they were there. When I found out I was pregnant, they were there (figuratively but still, there). When my heart was crushed and life wasn't the same, they were there.
It hasn't been easy, or pleasant some of the time but they love me. And I love the fact that I can call and talk to them any time I want to and don't feel like they are going to judge anything or tell me what I'm thinking is wrong.
And when I don't say it nearly enough, thanks. I love you both. <3
Friday, November 25, 2011
Dear Black Friday
I sorta hate your guts...I told Kristen this morning as I was leaving the house at o'dark 30, that I was going to write this.
I've never actually worked a traditional Black Friday in all my retail experience. I've done retail for years...I'm sure you're shocked too.
When I worked at Shoe Carnival I didn't end up working Black Friday. I'm sure I gave some lame excuse to them to avoid working 12+ hours in full shoe madness.
On my application for Walmart I told them I couldn't start work until AFTER Thanksgiving weekend. Dennis and I actually didn't even leave the house that day. Nothing I was going to buy for Christmas was worth the swarms of people, pushing, fighting, swearing, and the lines. No thank you.
After that it had been quite the time since I had worked retail. In Germany we went shopping on Black Friday last year, but more for an awesome deal on a Christmas tree. (Unfortunately the one we had, from my grandparents, was dwindling. It looked a bit like Charlie Brown's Christmas Tree) We ended up saving extra money (thanks to me...) and we were able to buy Kaylin more presents. Oh and I think Dennis got the super, mega, nerd edition of Avatar. *Insert eye roll here* I have noticed that my Christmas spirit started a bit early last year. I was so excited to have Kaylin's first Christmas that it was almost unbearable to make it until the 25th. I'm starting to get that way now too. I even find myself singing along to Christmas music and not minding it, BEFORE Thanksgiving was even over.
However this year I did not get the pleasure of dodging the Black Friday Bullet. My part-time gig at Kohl's led me to one of the longest shifts I've ever had. Midnight. Kohl's opened at MIDNIGHT. I was scheduled at 2 am, which meant even though I'd miss some of the crazies, they were still going to be flocking around destroying my departments.
When I got to work this morning, I was downing my coffee, smiling, greeting and hoping no one noticed that I had ABSOLUTELY no desire to be there. What so ever. I grumbled as I cleaned out dressing room after dressing room, hanging clothes, folding and re-folding jeans, and sorting them back for the floor. Yes, I am VERY thankful I have a job, one that allows me to work. But there is just something about the stress of Black Friday that I was not into at all.
Anyways, what is it about shopping? Kohls, Target, Old Navy, and Best Buy all opened their doors at Midnight. I can't vouch for the rest of the stores, or company for that matter but by 3:30 or 4 am, we were so slow. The midnight rush had died down considerably. I clocked out around 6, headed to Walmart to get Kaylin's presents and there was no one there. 6 am! They still had everything that I could want or think of needing, and had plenty of it.
When did our society become so money hungry? I know Kaylin and I went to bed at 8 last night so that I could get enough sleep to make it through what I thought was going to be the longest day ever. Even though Thanksgiving was dying down, I was still losing out on family time to get ready for this "big day". When did our stores starting caring more about profits and less about their associates spending time with family?
I've never actually worked a traditional Black Friday in all my retail experience. I've done retail for years...I'm sure you're shocked too.
When I worked at Shoe Carnival I didn't end up working Black Friday. I'm sure I gave some lame excuse to them to avoid working 12+ hours in full shoe madness.
On my application for Walmart I told them I couldn't start work until AFTER Thanksgiving weekend. Dennis and I actually didn't even leave the house that day. Nothing I was going to buy for Christmas was worth the swarms of people, pushing, fighting, swearing, and the lines. No thank you.
After that it had been quite the time since I had worked retail. In Germany we went shopping on Black Friday last year, but more for an awesome deal on a Christmas tree. (Unfortunately the one we had, from my grandparents, was dwindling. It looked a bit like Charlie Brown's Christmas Tree) We ended up saving extra money (thanks to me...) and we were able to buy Kaylin more presents. Oh and I think Dennis got the super, mega, nerd edition of Avatar. *Insert eye roll here* I have noticed that my Christmas spirit started a bit early last year. I was so excited to have Kaylin's first Christmas that it was almost unbearable to make it until the 25th. I'm starting to get that way now too. I even find myself singing along to Christmas music and not minding it, BEFORE Thanksgiving was even over.
However this year I did not get the pleasure of dodging the Black Friday Bullet. My part-time gig at Kohl's led me to one of the longest shifts I've ever had. Midnight. Kohl's opened at MIDNIGHT. I was scheduled at 2 am, which meant even though I'd miss some of the crazies, they were still going to be flocking around destroying my departments.
When I got to work this morning, I was downing my coffee, smiling, greeting and hoping no one noticed that I had ABSOLUTELY no desire to be there. What so ever. I grumbled as I cleaned out dressing room after dressing room, hanging clothes, folding and re-folding jeans, and sorting them back for the floor. Yes, I am VERY thankful I have a job, one that allows me to work. But there is just something about the stress of Black Friday that I was not into at all.
Anyways, what is it about shopping? Kohls, Target, Old Navy, and Best Buy all opened their doors at Midnight. I can't vouch for the rest of the stores, or company for that matter but by 3:30 or 4 am, we were so slow. The midnight rush had died down considerably. I clocked out around 6, headed to Walmart to get Kaylin's presents and there was no one there. 6 am! They still had everything that I could want or think of needing, and had plenty of it.
When did our society become so money hungry? I know Kaylin and I went to bed at 8 last night so that I could get enough sleep to make it through what I thought was going to be the longest day ever. Even though Thanksgiving was dying down, I was still losing out on family time to get ready for this "big day". When did our stores starting caring more about profits and less about their associates spending time with family?
Day 08 – A picture of your most treasured item
Yes I love my daughter more than anything in this world. Anything you could possibly imagine. I'd give it all up if it meant that she would have clothes on her back and food in her stomach. Heck I'd even go hungry.
But this picture is not about a person. She is not an item. She's an extension of me.
This picture is supposed to be about an item. An item is something that you own.
My computer is by far a most treasured item, but not for the reason everyone is going to think. My computer not only contains nearly, EVERY picture I have of Kaylin, but memories I do not want to forget. Because of my pictures, it has to be my most prized possession.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Day 07 – A picture that makes you laugh
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| The Little's first experience with Oreo's |
So I know I didn't post yesterday, but if you go here I hope you can forgive me.
This picture was taken at the Lake in Germany. Megan and I had taken our kiddos out on one of the only hot summer days this year. I'd been itching to get Kaylin into the cute little 1 piece and matching hat my mom had sent for her birthday.
Naturally it hadn't been very warm in the summer. The summer before the temperature peaked around 100 degrees in the middle of July. And, as any pregnant woman knows that kind of heat makes the mommy-to-be completely and udderly miserable. Especially when the country you live in doesn't really believe in air conditioning. It was the hottest summer in German history, in 100 years. And I was 9 months pregnant.
Our first summer in Germany was mild, I think I wore jeans and a t-shirt or tank top the entire time. Not massively hot, but not terribly cold either. Fast forward to our last summer and it was less than our first. It was gloomy, cold, and rainy the vast majority of the time. It hardly felt like summer. Any time the sun was out and the wind wasn't blowing the girls (and Logan) and I would make sure to get out of the house and walk somewhere.
So by the middle of July, I was dying to get Kaylin into an outdoor swimming pool. We hit a "hot streak" for a few days the weather got to be around 80. I couldn't wait, I made instant plans with Megan and to the beach/lake we went. As a treat I bought mini Oreo cookies for the kids to share. Kaylin took to them like a duck to water. She probably ate the equivalent to 4 normal Oreo cookies. I love that little Oreo face.
The Trifecta
Warning...this post may be graphic for some. :)
Being a mother I have experienced MANY moments when I'd much rather pass off Mommy duty. Moments I go, "Bleghhh" and shake my head. Come on admit it, you've done it too.
Kaylin's got her 15 month well baby today, so a quick shower this morning and I get out. *sniff, sniff* What is that? Kaylin did you poop again? She laughs, walks away and I finish getting dressed.
Come here booger. I set her on the bed, grab my diaper changing gear, and grab her again as she attempts one of many escape attempts. Changing her diaper has gone from a minute long process to a five minute activity and by the end I'm sweating. Diarrhea. GREAT. Good thing she's headed to the doctor.
A little while later, after finishing my hair and make up, I look over to see Kaylin fast asleep in the bed. That never happens. Like her falling asleep, willingly, while I am in the room and its not dark...happens about as often as it snows in Nevada. Strange...poor baby. I head out to clean up the bathroom a bit and wait for her to wake up so we can run our errands.
The sleeping beauty arises around 11:30, which is only about 45 minutes after she fell asleep but hey its a nap right? She gets leftover pizza for lunch, while I eat some pizza and taqitos. After lunch, I grab our mail, the last gift card from her birthday, and once again *sniff, sniff*. REALLY? Again?? Insert 3rd entire wardrobe change of the day. Finally about 15 minutes later we head out the door to the post office.
I quickly mail off the coupons to Germany and decide since we have some spare time to kill that we'll look around at the PX before the doctors appointment. I wanted to look for the things that we'd decided on getting Kaylin for Christmas.
We pull into the parking lot, a little after 1. *sniff, sniff* Kaylin, you have GOT to be kidding me!!! Well we'll find the customer service area and get you cleaned up again. Into the cart she goes, along with the diaper bag and my purse. We mosey around the toy department looking for her Little People toys. Nada, I steer the cart over toward the baby department in hopes they'll have some over there. I notice Kaylin looks a little pale and ill. I kiss her forehead, and remind her we're going to the doctor today. Upon arrival in the Baby department I notice that they don't have any Little People toys there either, so off to find customer service.
Kaylin leans her head back in the cart and just lets it set there. You okay baby girl? She shakes her head no like she does to just about every question asked of her, I kiss her once again and steer to change her diaper. I see the sign that asks about no shopping carts in the bathrooms. Personally I hate that because now I have to put the diaper bag on the floor and do some awkward half reach to hold a squirming toddler while digging in the depths of despair for a diaper and wipes.
I wiggle her out of the front of the cart, worked the diaper bag up my shoulder and grabbed my purse. The bathroom was small and I couldn't find a changing table. Eff. Maybe there is a changing table by the entrance.
Out of the bathroom we head, we get 5 steps from the water fountains I look down and hear...BLEGH. Projectile vomiting. Naturally my instinct is to cup my hand in front of her mouth in a failed attempt to contain some of the puke. She heaves once again, and this time it goes all over her coat, my coat, into my purse, all over her diaper bag and sippy cup. This time instead of attempting to contain any of it, I yell at the girls at customer service, Can we get some help over here? They all look stunned, like this is in rare form or something. The girl just stands there looking at me, as I attempt to keep Kaylin calm, making sure she's not choking on pizza that was coming up. I get her into the bathroom, get her cleaned up and changed into her spare outfit I had thankfully brought with me. I grumble because now I smell like vomit, my purse is caked and the diaper bag is soaked. Joys of being a Mommy.
I head for the exit. It's close to Kaylin's appointment time and now I just feel nasty. We get over to the doctor's office, get checked in and get her weight. They have me keep her in a diaper for the check up. There she is sitting on my lap, blanket wrapped around her goose bump filled body. We started reading a book about Elmo going to the doctor for his check up. Naturally she's turning pages faster than I can read when the grumbles start again. Really Kaylin? AGAIN? I move the blanket.
UGHHHH. Frothy, green, smelly...all over my leg and shirt. The Trifecta. I have been pooped on, peed on, and vomited on all in one day by the same little person. I really believe it should be part of an exclusive club that every parent needs to earn rights to at some point in time.
Leaving the doctor today, I felt beyond gross. I've felt gross before...right after getting home from the hospital after having Kaylin (and not being allowed to shower for 3 days), after spending the morning as a CNA cleaning up after the elderly residents, after spending the day deep cleaning the house, after Kaylin puked all over my previous computer and myself, and after both the plane ride to Germany and from Germany. But I never had to walk around with baby puke, poop and pee all over me for 4 hours. I am a firm believer it seeps into your pores, and taunts you with the smell that only you can smell but feel like everyone else can pick up the stench too.
Showering for an extended period of time rarely feels as good as it did today.
Being a mother I have experienced MANY moments when I'd much rather pass off Mommy duty. Moments I go, "Bleghhh" and shake my head. Come on admit it, you've done it too.
Kaylin's got her 15 month well baby today, so a quick shower this morning and I get out. *sniff, sniff* What is that? Kaylin did you poop again? She laughs, walks away and I finish getting dressed.
Come here booger. I set her on the bed, grab my diaper changing gear, and grab her again as she attempts one of many escape attempts. Changing her diaper has gone from a minute long process to a five minute activity and by the end I'm sweating. Diarrhea. GREAT. Good thing she's headed to the doctor.
A little while later, after finishing my hair and make up, I look over to see Kaylin fast asleep in the bed. That never happens. Like her falling asleep, willingly, while I am in the room and its not dark...happens about as often as it snows in Nevada. Strange...poor baby. I head out to clean up the bathroom a bit and wait for her to wake up so we can run our errands.
The sleeping beauty arises around 11:30, which is only about 45 minutes after she fell asleep but hey its a nap right? She gets leftover pizza for lunch, while I eat some pizza and taqitos. After lunch, I grab our mail, the last gift card from her birthday, and once again *sniff, sniff*. REALLY? Again?? Insert 3rd entire wardrobe change of the day. Finally about 15 minutes later we head out the door to the post office.
I quickly mail off the coupons to Germany and decide since we have some spare time to kill that we'll look around at the PX before the doctors appointment. I wanted to look for the things that we'd decided on getting Kaylin for Christmas.
We pull into the parking lot, a little after 1. *sniff, sniff* Kaylin, you have GOT to be kidding me!!! Well we'll find the customer service area and get you cleaned up again. Into the cart she goes, along with the diaper bag and my purse. We mosey around the toy department looking for her Little People toys. Nada, I steer the cart over toward the baby department in hopes they'll have some over there. I notice Kaylin looks a little pale and ill. I kiss her forehead, and remind her we're going to the doctor today. Upon arrival in the Baby department I notice that they don't have any Little People toys there either, so off to find customer service.
Kaylin leans her head back in the cart and just lets it set there. You okay baby girl? She shakes her head no like she does to just about every question asked of her, I kiss her once again and steer to change her diaper. I see the sign that asks about no shopping carts in the bathrooms. Personally I hate that because now I have to put the diaper bag on the floor and do some awkward half reach to hold a squirming toddler while digging in the depths of despair for a diaper and wipes.
I wiggle her out of the front of the cart, worked the diaper bag up my shoulder and grabbed my purse. The bathroom was small and I couldn't find a changing table. Eff. Maybe there is a changing table by the entrance.
Out of the bathroom we head, we get 5 steps from the water fountains I look down and hear...BLEGH. Projectile vomiting. Naturally my instinct is to cup my hand in front of her mouth in a failed attempt to contain some of the puke. She heaves once again, and this time it goes all over her coat, my coat, into my purse, all over her diaper bag and sippy cup. This time instead of attempting to contain any of it, I yell at the girls at customer service, Can we get some help over here? They all look stunned, like this is in rare form or something. The girl just stands there looking at me, as I attempt to keep Kaylin calm, making sure she's not choking on pizza that was coming up. I get her into the bathroom, get her cleaned up and changed into her spare outfit I had thankfully brought with me. I grumble because now I smell like vomit, my purse is caked and the diaper bag is soaked. Joys of being a Mommy.
I head for the exit. It's close to Kaylin's appointment time and now I just feel nasty. We get over to the doctor's office, get checked in and get her weight. They have me keep her in a diaper for the check up. There she is sitting on my lap, blanket wrapped around her goose bump filled body. We started reading a book about Elmo going to the doctor for his check up. Naturally she's turning pages faster than I can read when the grumbles start again. Really Kaylin? AGAIN? I move the blanket.
UGHHHH. Frothy, green, smelly...all over my leg and shirt. The Trifecta. I have been pooped on, peed on, and vomited on all in one day by the same little person. I really believe it should be part of an exclusive club that every parent needs to earn rights to at some point in time.
Leaving the doctor today, I felt beyond gross. I've felt gross before...right after getting home from the hospital after having Kaylin (and not being allowed to shower for 3 days), after spending the morning as a CNA cleaning up after the elderly residents, after spending the day deep cleaning the house, after Kaylin puked all over my previous computer and myself, and after both the plane ride to Germany and from Germany. But I never had to walk around with baby puke, poop and pee all over me for 4 hours. I am a firm believer it seeps into your pores, and taunts you with the smell that only you can smell but feel like everyone else can pick up the stench too.
Showering for an extended period of time rarely feels as good as it did today.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Day 06 – A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day
This one was definitely a challenge. I mean I bounced around from Oprah to Julia Roberts. I mean honestly who wouldn't want to be Oprah for a day? All the money and fame, but meh.
I wouldn't mind trading places with Angelina Jolie. Not like the totally overwhelmed, NATO volunteer, super mom but the Angelina right when her and Brad Pitt met. Like the Angie in Mr and Mrs Smith. She was super hot and had the best looking man in Hollywood. Who wouldn't want THAT Brad Pitt??
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Day 05 – A picture of your favorite memory
 |
| Seeing Kaylin for the first time |
I was so doped up from all the medicine they had given me by the time I got back to the labor and delivery room I was not in a state to attempt to even parent. I laid there in the hospital bed while my daughter was being checked out by NICU (everything was fine, take a deep breath and relax) completely and totally out of it. I knew she was here, and I knew I wasn't going to get to see her right away but it still didn't connect.
I called my family, who was all waiting anxiously to hear about her safe arrival. I explained what I could over the phone without scaring anyone, while I rubbed my face with my hand because it itched. I remember getting off the phone and repeating over and over, I'm itchy. The nurse finally gave me some benadryl which naturally made me go into a medically induced mini coma.
I woke up a few hours later, in the dark of my hospital room. I was sore from head to toe from the C-Section, but I had one thing on my mind.
Dennis...
[a few second later] Dennis...
[a few more seconds later] Oh for crying out loud! DENNIS!
[rustling] Huh? What? What?
I wanna see Kaylin.
What time is it?
I dunno. Go get the nurse. I want to see my daughter.
[grumbles] Ugh. Now?
Yes now. I haven't seen her yet. I want to hold her.
[gets out of the little cot thing he was sleeping in] Okay hold on.
I work myself into a sitting position while he heads down the hallway to get the nurse. He comes back in a few minutes later.
She'll be in, in a few minutes.
Thanks honey. I can't wait to see her.
A little while later the nurse comes in with a wheelchair and her and Dennis help me get into the wheel chair. I am wheeled to the NICU for the first time to see my precious little girl. The NICU nurse placed a pillow on my lap to help support Kaylin and keep her off my scar. Then she placed her in my arms. I felt her weight, and she finally felt real. My heart about jumped out of my chest. She was perfect, everything I could have ever hoped for.
Honestly, I can't wait to see what else our lives have in store for us. I love her with every beat of my heart, and though I'm not a super mommy I definitely would do anything for her a million times over.
I love you Little. You're everything.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Day 04 – A picture of yourself and a family member
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| Bella the Owl, Kaylin the Ladybug and Me, October 2011 |
My aunt and uncle are two of the best people on the face of this Earth. Honestly, hands down. I don't know of anyone else in my family I can just pick up the phone, text and say I'm coming over I need a glass of wine.
I'll never forget when my aunt and uncle set out to adopt a baby. After years of having no luck in the baby department, I remember when she proudly handed me their adoption portfolio. I opened the first page, it was seriously something straight out of Martha-Freaking-Stewart. Page after page, bright colors, all showing off my aunt and uncle's life, their beloved dogs, and my fantastic grandmother. The portfolio was going to be given to the adoption agent and birth parents could view it and chose if they want to place their child in that home.
I remember coming home from work at Shoe Carnival one afternoon, not long after the adoption process began, to a very excited aunt. She explained to me that there is a birth mother who just had her baby girl and she was considering my aunt and uncle for the adoption. I remember as my aunt explained how she and the birth mom had talked for hours and it felt like there was an instant connection.
Not long after that conversation, my aunt and uncle met Isabella for the first time. They held her, loved her, and the birth mom knew that Bella was theirs. I'll never forget how excited my aunt and uncle were to go buy all these baby items. Our friends and family came by the truck loads bringing gifts, toys, and other helpful items my aunt and uncle, the new parents, were going to need. I came home from work that night in a rush to meet her. I held her in my arms, the tiniest little thing and I instant fell in love. I felt so privileged to watch her grow for the next year. She went from this tiny little baby in preemie clothes, to this mobile little being with her own personality.
When we went to Germany she wasn't totally mobile yet. She'd cruise around the kitchen in her walker like nobody's business, but she wasn't quite crawling. I swear I remember to this day when I first saw the video of her crawling. I got so excited, she was getting so big.
Over the next two years I watched her grow from a little being, to a toddler, to a kid all via the wonderful Facebook (and various cards and presents from my aunt). And when Kaylin and I stepped off that plane and she saw her for the first time it was amazing. She truly loves this little girl, and she truly loves me.
I am so happy that my aunt and uncle finally got their little miracle. No one in this world deserves it more than they do. And I am so happy that I get to share in the joys with them. We love you!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Day 03 – A picture of the cast from your favorite show
I remember the day I bought the first season on DVD. I'd seen the show a few times on Fox but never really watched it. It was summer time and as anyone knows, all the good shows are all on hiatus. Man did I fall in love. At that point the show was about to start its 5th season, and I had to catch up.
Bones is about a literal forensic anthropologist and her whitty, understanding FBI partner. Together they are solving crime when there isn't much evidence especially on the body. (Hence why its called, Bones)
However it was definitely a hard choice. I also LOVE (and usually can't get enough of) Modern Family, CSI, CSI: NY, Criminal Minds, House, Chuck, How I Met Your Mother, and Dexter.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Day 02- A picture of the person you have been closest with longest
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| Steph and I, May 2006 |
We met in 1998 when our families built houses a lot apart. It wasn't, by far, an instant connection but once the connection was made there it was. We hung out all the time, had sleep overs and enjoyed the same sort of things. Only difference was that she's a night owl, and then I was definitely a morning person. Many of our sleep overs consisted of me falling asleep and then waking her up early.
She's always been willing to listen as any good friend should. She's been there during the good and the bad. The times I've had my heart broken, and when the good times are out. We've shared a locker in high school, and drinks late at night.
I remember calling her on evening from Germany after she wrote me complaining I didn't tell her that I was pregnant. *blush* I had tried but apparently wrote down her phone number wrong. I think we talked for 2 1/2 hours that night. I hadn't talked to her on the phone in months, but our friendship picked up like no time had gone by at all. Things were awesome, she was so excited and I even talked her in to visiting Germany after the baby was born. A few weeks later, I get a message on Facebook saying SHE can't come visit when we had planned (December 2010) because she was pregnant. Here we are 8,000 miles apart and only a few weeks apart in pregnancy. I stalked her Facecbook for weeks after Kaylin was born waiting to see pictures of Keaton. Now that I've met the little guy in person, he's the cutest thing ever!
To my best friend. The one who's always been there, even when we don't talk often. Here's to 13 wonderful years and MANY more to come. Thanks for being my best friend. <3
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Zeit zum Bummeln
Erstens nicht lustig machen dieses. Seine mehr nur etwas Spaß, Jennifer mit necken. Mein Deutsch ist definitiv nicht so gut, so dass Sie wetten, ich bin mit einem Übersetzer. Also ich bin mir ziemlich sicher, dass ich einige Fehler haben (wenn nicht viele). Aber es macht Spaß. Ich kann dies öfter zu tun.
Im Moment mache ich eine Million Dinge auf einmal. Genau wie immer, ich kann nicht auf eine Aufgabe konzentrieren mehr als ein paar Minuten. Zwischen Streaming eines Films, dem Herunterladen eines Podcasts und Begradigung meine Haare Ich bin beschäftigt! Ich habe heute abend, die Schläge funktionieren, aber es ist wirklich nicht alles, was ich dagegen tun kann. Erhielt Geld verdienen irgendwie. Ich wünschte, ich könnte zu Hause sitzen und Geld verdienen, das wäre freaking awesome!
Hatten Sie jemals einer von denen, eff meinem Leben Momente? Weil ich ganz einfach eine gehabt. Die Bibel Brigade ist die Heimat, die einzige gute Sache, die ist von jenem, das jetzt Kaylin ist nicht in der Nähe des Gerätes schreit mich an ist. Sie ist in das Wohnzimmer zu weinen an ihnen.
Gut genug Spaß, ich habe ein echtes Blog zu veröffentlichen. Auf Wiedersehen!
Day 01 – A picture of yourself with fifteen facts
 |
| My Little and I, September 2011 |
I am terribly hard headed
I hate crawling into a cold bed
I have to sleep with the TV on
I'm a cuddler
At Christmas I have to watch National Lapoon's Christmas Vacation AND A Christmas Story
Ice cream fixes everything
I stick my tongue out, often
I love stuffed animals (it led to a Build-A-Bear addiction for a while)
I love candles
All time favorite soda...Dr Pepper
I'd rather work early in the morning, then late at night
I'm the most independent, dependent person
I enjoy taking pictures, especially of my Little
I love country music, but find myself putting on the local rock channels
I'm excited to get back to school, even if its going to suck for a while
100 Days of Photos
100 Days of Photos.
Day 02- A picture of the person you have been closest with longest
Day 03 – A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Day 04 – A picture of yourself and a family member
Day 05 – A picture of your favorite memory
Day 06 – A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day
Day 07 – A picture that makes you laugh
Day 08 – A picture of your most treasured item
Day 09 – A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
Day 10 – A picture of someone you do the craziest things with
Day 11 – A picture of something you hate
Day 12 – A picture of something you love
Day 13 – A picture of your favorite band or artist
Day 14 – A picture of your favorite store
Day 15 – A picture of something you want to do before you die
Day 16 – A picture of someone who inspires you
Day 17 – A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
Day 18 – A picture of the sexiest Woman alive
Day 19- A picture of something you love to do
Day 20 – A picture of somewhere you’d love to travel
Day 21 – A picture of something you wish you could forget
Day 22 – A picture of something you never leave the house without
Day 23 – A picture of your favorite book
Day 24 – A picture of someone you miss
Day 25 – A picture of you from last year
Day 26 – A picture of something that means a lot to you
Day 27 – A picture of your favorite night
Day 28 – A picture of your favorite place in the world
Day 29 – A picture that can always make you smile
Day 30 – A picture of your favorite quote
Day 31 – A picture of food you made
Day 32 – A picture of what you did today
Day 33 – A picture of somewhere you went today
Day 34 – A picture of your favorite morning
Day 35 – A picture of your hometown
Day 36 – A picture of your pet
Day 37 – A picture taken at school
Day 38 – A picture of your favorite drink
Day 39 – A picture of your favorite food
Day 40 – A picture of your friends
Day 41 – A picture of your favorite weather
Day 42 – A picture of you listening to music
Day 43 – A picture of you celebrating
Day 44 – A picture that describes your life
Day 45 – A picture of your favorite cartoon character
Day 46 – A picture that you edited
Day 47 – A picture of your favorite animal
Day 48 – A picture of you more than 10 years ago
Day 49 – A picture of you and your best friend(s)
Day 50 – A picture of yourself
Day 51 – A picture of you wearing sunglasses
Day 52 – A picture of you dressed up
Day 53 – A picture of you in a car
Day 54 – A picture of you on your last vacation
Day 55 – A picture of you with a date
Day 56 – A picture of you all bundled up
Day 57 – A picture of you in your backyard
Day 58 – A picture of your hair all done
Day 59 – A picture of you at prom
Day 60 – A picture of you at a sports game
Day 61 – A picture of you in the fall
Day 62 – A picture of you on a ride
Day 63 – A picture of luggage
Day 64 – A picture of you at work
Day 65 – A picture of you at a park
Day 66 – A picture of you in the air
Day 66 – A picture of you doing something childish
Day 67 – A picture of you falling
Day 68 – A picture of you outside
Day 69 – A picture of a crazy night out
Day 70 – A picture of someone you don’t go a day without talking to
Day 71 – A picture of you with people you work with
Day 72 – A picture of you with unbelievable scenery
Day 73 – A picture of you somewhere warm
Day 74 – A picture taken professionally
Day 75 – A picture of you receiving a reward
Day 76 – A picture of you drinking something
Day 77 – A picture of you and friends making silly faces
Day 78 – A picture of you in the dark
Day 79 – A picture of you in the water
Day 80 – A picture of you and someone you love being silly
Day 81 – A picture of you with a character
Day 82 – A picture of someone you love asleep
Day 83 – A picture of you and a teammate
Day 84 – A picture of a school project
Day 85 – A picture of your favorite holiday
Day 86 – A picture of someone who helps you with school
Day 87 – A picture of someone you grew up with
Day 88 – A picture of your dream car
Day 89 – A picture of you at a hotel
Day 90 – A picture of you wearing your favorite color
Day 91 – A picture of you and your friends playing a game
Day 92 – A picture of your school
Day 93 – A picture of your favorite board game
Day 94 – A picture of you and your friends eating
Day 95 – A picture of you on a plane
Day 96 – A picture of your favorite movie
Day 97 – A picture of something you no longer have
Day 98 – A picture of you and your friends out somewhere
Day 99 – A picture that was first on your facebook.
Day 100 – A picture of you smiling
Totally stolen from my love Jennifer Lynn Yount
Day 03 – A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Day 04 – A picture of yourself and a family member
Day 05 – A picture of your favorite memory
Day 06 – A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day
Day 07 – A picture that makes you laugh
Day 08 – A picture of your most treasured item
Day 09 – A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
Day 10 – A picture of someone you do the craziest things with
Day 11 – A picture of something you hate
Day 12 – A picture of something you love
Day 13 – A picture of your favorite band or artist
Day 14 – A picture of your favorite store
Day 15 – A picture of something you want to do before you die
Day 16 – A picture of someone who inspires you
Day 17 – A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
Day 18 – A picture of the sexiest Woman alive
Day 19- A picture of something you love to do
Day 20 – A picture of somewhere you’d love to travel
Day 21 – A picture of something you wish you could forget
Day 22 – A picture of something you never leave the house without
Day 23 – A picture of your favorite book
Day 24 – A picture of someone you miss
Day 25 – A picture of you from last year
Day 26 – A picture of something that means a lot to you
Day 27 – A picture of your favorite night
Day 28 – A picture of your favorite place in the world
Day 29 – A picture that can always make you smile
Day 30 – A picture of your favorite quote
Day 31 – A picture of food you made
Day 32 – A picture of what you did today
Day 33 – A picture of somewhere you went today
Day 34 – A picture of your favorite morning
Day 35 – A picture of your hometown
Day 36 – A picture of your pet
Day 37 – A picture taken at school
Day 38 – A picture of your favorite drink
Day 39 – A picture of your favorite food
Day 40 – A picture of your friends
Day 41 – A picture of your favorite weather
Day 42 – A picture of you listening to music
Day 43 – A picture of you celebrating
Day 44 – A picture that describes your life
Day 45 – A picture of your favorite cartoon character
Day 46 – A picture that you edited
Day 47 – A picture of your favorite animal
Day 48 – A picture of you more than 10 years ago
Day 49 – A picture of you and your best friend(s)
Day 50 – A picture of yourself
Day 51 – A picture of you wearing sunglasses
Day 52 – A picture of you dressed up
Day 53 – A picture of you in a car
Day 54 – A picture of you on your last vacation
Day 55 – A picture of you with a date
Day 56 – A picture of you all bundled up
Day 57 – A picture of you in your backyard
Day 58 – A picture of your hair all done
Day 59 – A picture of you at prom
Day 60 – A picture of you at a sports game
Day 61 – A picture of you in the fall
Day 62 – A picture of you on a ride
Day 63 – A picture of luggage
Day 64 – A picture of you at work
Day 65 – A picture of you at a park
Day 66 – A picture of you in the air
Day 66 – A picture of you doing something childish
Day 67 – A picture of you falling
Day 68 – A picture of you outside
Day 69 – A picture of a crazy night out
Day 70 – A picture of someone you don’t go a day without talking to
Day 71 – A picture of you with people you work with
Day 72 – A picture of you with unbelievable scenery
Day 73 – A picture of you somewhere warm
Day 74 – A picture taken professionally
Day 75 – A picture of you receiving a reward
Day 76 – A picture of you drinking something
Day 77 – A picture of you and friends making silly faces
Day 78 – A picture of you in the dark
Day 79 – A picture of you in the water
Day 80 – A picture of you and someone you love being silly
Day 81 – A picture of you with a character
Day 82 – A picture of someone you love asleep
Day 83 – A picture of you and a teammate
Day 84 – A picture of a school project
Day 85 – A picture of your favorite holiday
Day 86 – A picture of someone who helps you with school
Day 87 – A picture of someone you grew up with
Day 88 – A picture of your dream car
Day 89 – A picture of you at a hotel
Day 90 – A picture of you wearing your favorite color
Day 91 – A picture of you and your friends playing a game
Day 92 – A picture of your school
Day 93 – A picture of your favorite board game
Day 94 – A picture of you and your friends eating
Day 95 – A picture of you on a plane
Day 96 – A picture of your favorite movie
Day 97 – A picture of something you no longer have
Day 98 – A picture of you and your friends out somewhere
Day 99 – A picture that was first on your facebook.
Day 100 – A picture of you smiling
Totally stolen from my love Jennifer Lynn Yount
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