Thursday, August 1, 2013

Conversations with my toddler

Walking through the PX holding hands. Kaylin, did you just lick me? Kaylin smiles and licks my hand again. Kaylin! Seriously, did you just lick me?

Kaylin: Old McDonald had UNDERWEARS! Old McDonald had UNDERWEARS!

Kaylin: Mom can I play with my cupcake game?
Me: No, let's wait until everyone leaves.
Kaylin: Mom, please!
Me: No baby, let's wait until everyone goes home. And then I'll play *with* you.
Kaylin: That doesn't sound like a very good deal.

Me: Come on Kaylin, let's go we have to go to the doctor!
Kaylin: No, I don't like the doctor.
Me: It's okay baby, its like Doc McStuffins for people!
A little while later while at the doctor....
Kaylin: Doc McStuffins?! Why you wear that coat? *doctor laughs*
Me: Sorry, she didn't want to come.

Me as Hot Blooded comes on my iPod: Kaylin what is this song?
Kaylin: Hot body!!!
Me: Atta girl!

Kaylin: Mommy, I wanna listen to "ahhhh, take-a-me home a-nite".

Me: Kaylin, don't eat your boogers. And don' DO NOT put your boogers on the TV.

Me: Kaylin, pick out a movie to watch.
Kaylin goes to the DVD rack and brings back a Family Guy Season.
Me: Let's pick something else. How about Curious George or Cinderella?!

Me: Kaylin, don't make a mess.
Kaylin:  I no make a mess, Mommy. *turns her bowl of ice cream upside down*
Me: Fan-tas-tic. Thank you.

Kaylin: Ow! You hurt my arm! Now I can't walk.

Kaylin: I no like you. I go see Bella and Grammie.
Me: That's fine.
Kaylin: I go home and see Grammie.
Me: We are home Kaylin.
Kaylin: Oh yeah, silly goose!

Kaylin: Are we there yet?
Me: Please don't start.
Kaylin: MOM! Are we there yet?
Me: Kaylin we *just* got into the car.
Kaylin: Are we there yet?
Me: NO! Don't ask again.
Kaylin: Where are we going, Mommy?

Kaylin: This the right foot, Mommy?
Me: No baby, other foot.
Kaylin: No, this is the right foot.
Me: No baby, your other foot...still.
Kaylin: Oh you silly goose!
Me: Well at least you are consistent. To where you consistently put your shoes on the wrong feet.

Kaylin: Mommy, its gonna stink in here!
Me: Okay Kaylin. I changed your diapers at one point.
Kaylin: Nooooo!
Me: Yes huh. When you were a baby you pooped in your pants.
Kaylin: I no poop in my pants. You silly, Mommy.

*Kaylin wakes me up by poking me in the eye*
Kaylin: Mommy, wake up.
Me: Huh?
Kaylin: MOMMY! Wake up and scoot over. SCOOT OVER MOMMY!

Me: You're my baby.
Kaylin: No. I not a baby!
Me: You're right. You're my big girl.
Kaylin: No, I'm not a girl. I'm a boy.
Me: You're a girl.
Kaylin: No. I not a girl. I'm a boy!
Me: You're a girl.
Kaylin: No I not. I Kaylin A-Jean. 
Me: Sold.

Me: Kaylin, say 'Go Steelers!'
Kaylin: Go Steelers!
Me: Kaylin say, 'Tony Homo.'
Kaylin: Tony Homo.

Me: Kaylin come on, let's get in the shower.
Kaylin: I no need a shower. I not stinky.
Me: Kaylin you didn't get a bath yesterday or the day before. Shower. Now.
Kaylin: I'm clean.
Me: You're gonna get all clean. Now go potty.
Kaylin: I don't need to go potty.
Me: Fine, get in the shower.
Kaylin after getting in the shower: Mommy, I have to go potty!