Warning...this post may be graphic for some. :)
Being a mother I have experienced MANY moments when I'd much rather pass off Mommy duty. Moments I go, "Bleghhh" and shake my head. Come on admit it, you've done it too.
Kaylin's got her 15 month well baby today, so a quick shower this morning and I get out. *sniff, sniff* What is that? Kaylin did you poop again? She laughs, walks away and I finish getting dressed.
Come here booger. I set her on the bed, grab my diaper changing gear, and grab her again as she attempts one of many escape attempts. Changing her diaper has gone from a minute long process to a five minute activity and by the end I'm sweating. Diarrhea. GREAT. Good thing she's headed to the doctor.
A little while later, after finishing my hair and make up, I look over to see Kaylin fast asleep in the bed. That never happens. Like her falling asleep, willingly, while I am in the room and its not dark...happens about as often as it snows in Nevada. Strange...poor baby. I head out to clean up the bathroom a bit and wait for her to wake up so we can run our errands.
The sleeping beauty arises around 11:30, which is only about 45 minutes after she fell asleep but hey its a nap right? She gets leftover pizza for lunch, while I eat some pizza and taqitos. After lunch, I grab our mail, the last gift card from her birthday, and once again *sniff, sniff*. REALLY? Again?? Insert 3rd entire wardrobe change of the day. Finally about 15 minutes later we head out the door to the post office.
I quickly mail off the coupons to Germany and decide since we have some spare time to kill that we'll look around at the PX before the doctors appointment. I wanted to look for the things that we'd decided on getting Kaylin for Christmas.
We pull into the parking lot, a little after 1. *sniff, sniff* Kaylin, you have GOT to be kidding me!!! Well we'll find the customer service area and get you cleaned up again. Into the cart she goes, along with the diaper bag and my purse. We mosey around the toy department looking for her Little People toys. Nada, I steer the cart over toward the baby department in hopes they'll have some over there. I notice Kaylin looks a little pale and ill. I kiss her forehead, and remind her we're going to the doctor today. Upon arrival in the Baby department I notice that they don't have any Little People toys there either, so off to find customer service.
Kaylin leans her head back in the cart and just lets it set there. You okay baby girl? She shakes her head no like she does to just about every question asked of her, I kiss her once again and steer to change her diaper. I see the sign that asks about no shopping carts in the bathrooms. Personally I hate that because now I have to put the diaper bag on the floor and do some awkward half reach to hold a squirming toddler while digging in the depths of despair for a diaper and wipes.
I wiggle her out of the front of the cart, worked the diaper bag up my shoulder and grabbed my purse. The bathroom was small and I couldn't find a changing table. Eff. Maybe there is a changing table by the entrance.
Out of the bathroom we head, we get 5 steps from the water fountains I look down and hear...BLEGH. Projectile vomiting. Naturally my instinct is to cup my hand in front of her mouth in a failed attempt to contain some of the puke. She heaves once again, and this time it goes all over her coat, my coat, into my purse, all over her diaper bag and sippy cup. This time instead of attempting to contain any of it, I yell at the girls at customer service, Can we get some help over here? They all look stunned, like this is in rare form or something. The girl just stands there looking at me, as I attempt to keep Kaylin calm, making sure she's not choking on pizza that was coming up. I get her into the bathroom, get her cleaned up and changed into her spare outfit I had thankfully brought with me. I grumble because now I smell like vomit, my purse is caked and the diaper bag is soaked. Joys of being a Mommy.
I head for the exit. It's close to Kaylin's appointment time and now I just feel nasty. We get over to the doctor's office, get checked in and get her weight. They have me keep her in a diaper for the check up. There she is sitting on my lap, blanket wrapped around her goose bump filled body. We started reading a book about Elmo going to the doctor for his check up. Naturally she's turning pages faster than I can read when the grumbles start again. Really Kaylin? AGAIN? I move the blanket.
UGHHHH. Frothy, green, smelly...all over my leg and shirt. The Trifecta. I have been pooped on, peed on, and vomited on all in one day by the same little person. I really believe it should be part of an exclusive club that every parent needs to earn rights to at some point in time.
Leaving the doctor today, I felt beyond gross. I've felt gross before...right after getting home from the hospital after having Kaylin (and not being allowed to shower for 3 days), after spending the morning as a CNA cleaning up after the elderly residents, after spending the day deep cleaning the house, after Kaylin puked all over my previous computer and myself, and after both the plane ride to Germany and from Germany. But I never had to walk around with baby puke, poop and pee all over me for 4 hours. I am a firm believer it seeps into your pores, and taunts you with the smell that only you can smell but feel like everyone else can pick up the stench too.
Showering for an extended period of time rarely feels as good as it did today.