Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Halloween!

Whelp, today is Halloween. Didn't really do any fun celebrating, since the post did everything yesterday. I didn't bother taking Kaylin trick-or-treating either, she's too young and she was crabby by the time we got home. But we did have a party and she slept soundly from 8 pm-6 am. Well it was 5 am because the clocks changed back here already...but still 10 hours! She went down a little after 7 tonight, so we'll see when she wakes up. I did put her in her Halloween costume from Grams and Auntie today. I mean she can't not wear it on Halloween!

I got my homework mostly done for the week already. Now I just have to catch up on my work in Psychology. I tell ya, self-paced classes are terrible. But thankfully I only have a bit longer to go and I'll be done with 2 of 3. That will lighten my load tremendously!

My ear started hurting Friday night, and it hasn't really stopped since. :( So I made an appointment to see a doctor about it. I've been putting drops in, but now they are doing little good. *sigh* I've never had an ear infection before, I hope this isn't the makings of one! I did clean out my ears Friday, so maybe I irritated it. Argh!

Though today wasn't all that bad. Dennis, Kaylin and I hung around the house, ate dinner and Dennis, Wilbur and I watched a couple of movies. Neither of which I honestly cared to watch so it was good homework time. Paranormal Activity 2 was alright, I tell ya...the first one was a hell of a lot scarier when I thought it was real. Finding out it was fake really sucked! Then we watched the new Resident Evil movie...or they did. I tuned that one out for the most part, I am not big on those movies; never have been.

Its late now, I can update tomorrow because I've gotta be up and moving at 7 so I can get to take my test on time and I can study before hand. See ya later!

Friday, October 29, 2010


After a LONG month, he's home!!! Oh gosh it was so good to finally see him. It felt like FOREVER. I can't believe how strong I can really be when I have to be. Yes, there are definitely hard days and I think everyone goes through them. But when you have them back in your arms, it seems like nothing ever happened. Its sorta funny because he comes home and totally messes up my routine and everything. But thankfully Kaylin didn't change, she was down and asleep by 7 again. Poor little girl had a long day!

It was SO nice to cook again, oh my gosh. I literally felt like I was on a cooking show! I was like "hello mr. crock pot, long time no see." "hello leftovers, nice to have you back in my refrigerator!" I've got so many dishes waiting for me, I am so excited! Dennis told me yesterday he's got tons of laundry for me. I was like "YES!" I hardly run the washing machine and dryer while he's gone. The poor dishwasher only got used twice. I tell ya, life is totally different without them. Its hard though sometimes because I get into a routine and then he comes back. I was just getting used to him being gone. And part of me knows that next time he goes he'll be gone for a year. That's hard, but I can do. I can!

Oreo has followed Dennis around the house all day. Its kinda funny. He left to take back a friend a bit ago and Oreo looked at me and was like "seriously? will he be back?!" I kept telling him he'll be back, don't worry! Poor dog doesn't understand. He's laying sprawled out on the couch right now, sucker!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Life is so fragile

So a dear friend of mine just lost her 2 month old baby girl yesterday. She was born a few weeks after Kaylin. She was ill, so in ways this was not unexpected but it still really hits home. There are days when Kaylin's constant crying and needing to be held annoys me. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I say, "Kaylin, SHUT UP!" But after reading that, and thinking it could have just as easily been Kaylin. I now refuse to take every minute with her for granted. Life is too short to get upset because I have to hold her all day long, just because she wants to fall asleep in my arms. Its amazing how easily we forget to cherish these little things, especially during times of high stress. And I feel bad that it took the death of someone so innocent and pure to remind me to thank God for my beautiful daughter and my wonderful husband.

I am thankful that I have the strength to do the job I've been asked to do, and I am able to do it proudly. Being an Army wife is the hardest job anyone can ever think of doing. Being separated from your spouse, not knowing when you'll hear from him next, and not being able to be there with him daily really takes a toll on someone. But the pride that comes with loving someone who is serving our country makes everything seem doable. Now I have had my breakdowns and my nights of crying myself to sleep. But at the same time, I stop and realize that God never gives us anything we cannot handle and its time to remember that if He brings us to it, He will bring us through it. When there seems to be no one else in this world, He is the one that can comfort us and is there to listen and not judge.

That being said, today was a pretty bland day. DPW came to fix the heaters, so now the heat should start kicking on and hopefully we'll stop freezing. Sometimes its hot in the house, but I've gotta keep it that way for Kaylin. Her little hands get like ice sometimes. Tomorrow will be semi-busy so we'll see how things end up going. Gotta go to the library and education center at least!! For now, I'm off to shower and go to bed.

Please friends, do NOT take life for granted. You never know when God calls you home.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Busy Busy!!

Well its been a while since I managed to update this...its been a busy week!!

Thursday we ran some errands and met up with Samantha. That was a lot of fun, its nice having someone my age to hang out with. =] We did pizza and wine...classy, huh? There wasn't much of a need to do anything but homework anyways. And honestly homework is getting very old!! I can't wait until Dennis is home, I'll be able to do something again!

Friday I went with a few ladies to Ikea! I love that place, though I didn't find exactly what I was looking for, I found stuff that would work. I wanted a tub for Oreo's toys since I'm sick of them being all around the house. I found that but I didn't really find a thing for Kaylin's pacifier's. I picked up something but I'm not sure it's going to work. We'll see I guess.

Saturday was the crappiest day! So every year the Battalion has a Halloween Bash. Usually it involves a "trunk or treat", a haunted house and other activities. Well the guys were gone this year, so it was a total BUST! It was supposed to rain and be totally gross, so we opted to do everything inside. So no trunk or treat or bouncy house. The majority of the companies didn't have the man power to pull off anything really cool for the haunted house, so everyone decided we'd do something together and each company would have an "area" of responsibility. So our company was in charge of providing the papers for the coloring contest. No big deal, we got that done easy. Saturday morning everyone was supposed to show up around 10 and set up their area. I go over and really, there isn't much for us to do. No point in decorating the table because the kids are just going to destroy it. Well the Battalion commander's wife decides she's going to sweep the area...mind you we're in a BASEMENT HITLER used as an escape tunnel. Imagine WWII bunker with white painted cement've got this place. Dusty, old and full of mold. Yup, so we're going to SWEEP it around? How about...NO! It stirred up so much dust that I had to leave with Kaylin because I couldn't breathe. If I couldn't manage to breathe, how was she?! Ya know?! I pick up Samantha and we take the kids to do some errands and run back to Battalion. I drop off some stuff and then we head over to the Fall Fest that was going on. Nothing really fun, though I did get a neat little button with a picture of Kaylin and I on it. =]

We go back to Battalion again and I put Kaylin in her costume. She didn't hate it, but it wasn't her favorite thing ever either. She eventually just passed out and relaxed. The kids were insane, it was really just chaos. So poorly planned that it almost wasn't worth even doing in the first place. Really disappointing, if you ask me. Hopefully next year's won't be too bad. I mean its obviously going to be cold and rainy, its GERMANY! Thankfully Kaylin got fussy, so we bailed early. I came home and she was just a royal pain in the ass! She even cried through her bath, which isn't like her. =[ She was passed out cold by 7 last night, poor baby was exhausted! She slept until almost 4 am too...I was so shocked. I got some homework done and talked to Dennis for a bit.

Ugh, so Dennis' cousin REALLY pisses me off. When we first got married he needed to be bailed out of a pretty tight spot, so she lent him the money. Well we've been working on paying her back, but with Kaylin and everything its just so much. We sent her $150 last month and she has the nerve to give us shit about sending her more money. Saying "Am I gonna have to ask every month or should I contact Dennis' commander?" Seriously?! WTF is wrong with you??? I'm sorry that you got out of the Army to pursue your dream of owning your own business. But that was a DUMBASS move. You knew the economy was bad, so getting out and trying this now was pretty stupid. Top it off your ass got pregnant and married the guy. Apparently he's got a shitty job so all of you are screwed. And you tell me that you don't want to join the Army again because you don't want to be away from your baby. I understand that, believe me...I'm a mother I understand. But at the same time you're having issues paying things and your having trouble coming up with money. I sure as hell would rather be away from Kaylin and know that I'm not struggling with getting her food and clothing than to be with her and not able to provide. So if you are "having as much trouble as you say" RE-ENLIST. I told Dennis I'd work 3 jobs before I would let my child go hungry. PRIORITIES!!

Well today's been about homework...guess I might as well get back to it all. *sigh*

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

You know your day will be rough when....

your daughter kicks you out of your own 2 months old, you find a bird trapped in your stairwell flying around, and the post is doing training exercises at the gates again.

Well I didn't update yesterday because I was so busy. Took Kaylin over to a friend's so she could watch her for a little while. I had to go observe those stupid kids again. I swear I could make up everything in the 2 hours I watch them. Now I do love going, its nice to get out of the house and play with some kids. But at the same time I just hate dragging myself to go. It seems like the biggest waste of time ever.

Last night was our first FRG meeting without the guys. It was semi successful, I'm not sure if there were many wives around anyways. The post switched around Halloween, which was stupid! Oh well, not my issue. Though I did hear a lot about it!

Anyways, this morning Kaylin and I were cuddling. She got fussy so I got up to give her a bottle, the little booger fell back asleep! And I knew if I were to attempt to climb back into bed she'd wake up again. 2 months old and kicking me out of my own bed! She's her father's daughter for sure!! But on a sad note, she is fitting in 0-3 month clothes! :( I'm so sad to let go of her newborn clothes!

Then we go to take Oreo out, and there is a little bird flying around in our stairwell! I don't *mind* birds when they are in cages or in the wild...but flying around in enclosed places that I can walk through isn't gonna fly with me. It didn't help it was right by our door. I actually knocked on the neighbor's door to see if she'd take out him out but she wasn't home. I called someone to come get it, and they managed to catch the little thing alive. Thankfully.

Top it off the post is doing more exercises today, looks like we aren't leaving the house til tomorrow morning!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Shots, OB and New Challenges

Well there is so much on my mind right now, so I guess I'll just start from the beginning.

Kaylin had her 2 month well baby visit. Despite being "tiny" she's doing well. A whopping 10 lbs 11 oz and 21 1/4 inches long. Mommy and Daddy aren't the tallest people, so she may just have Mommy's short gene...poor baby. Hopefully she gets my metabolism too, and from the way she eats...she just may. She also had her first round of shots, she got 3 and a drink sort of one. I felt so bad for her, I couldn't even look at it. I just held her little hands and kissed her forehead while I whispered that I loved her and she'd be okay. Once she was done and had Garfield band aids on her legs I scooped her up and cuddled with her. It felt so good to "save" my baby. Then we went down the hall and I fed her. She ate up a storm and then passed out. Which was nice because we still had lots to do, though we had plenty of time to do it.

Then we drove around a bit, ran some errands and then headed down to Landstuhl. We were quite a bit early, since my appointment wasn't until 1400, and we got there just after 1200. But we had to stop at the pharmacy and I was hungry. We picked up my prescription and Kaylin ate. Thankfully the pharmacy had baby Tylenol, because poor baby was hurting. :( So after that kicked in she ate again and then fell back asleep until we got home. I even managed to wash her bottles before she woke up. Now I've gotta go make her some bottles and get some darn sleep before my alarm goes off early tomorrow morning again. *sigh*

Dennis told me the other day he knows where they are going when he gets deployed. Let's just say...not too happy. I try not to think about it but its creeping up so fast. Once Dennis comes home at the end of the month, he's home until they leave. So the deployment is going to be a lot closer on the other side of this field exercise. I soooo want this month to be over so he's back home where he belongs...but at the same time I want him to stay out there longer so that he can still come home and this deployment never happens. But once it does happen we can go home. Argh, so I guess...BRING IT ON DEPLOYMENT. We're gonna kick your ass... :)

Sunday, October 17, 2010

The Grind

Well out of no where I got the motivation to finish all my assignments for the week. Okay well not all of them, but I got the ones due tomorrow out of the way. Now maybe I should put this motivation to work on the house. Though the reading I haven't been doing may need to be done first. If I can just catch up on that, then I will feel better about everything. *sigh* I think it'd help too if I didn't take so many notes, that I'd be able to read faster...hmmm. =]

Dennis called last night, it was really good to just hear his voice. I miss him so much. It doesn't help that facebook keeps putting up pictures of him on the side. Then I go look around the album and go "Oh I remember that!" Ugh, grr you facebook.

Dang, so here I write about all this motivation to clean and what happens...Kaylin wakes up. Darn it!! Oh well, guess its time to snuggle up to her and read. I know I'm going to miss these days when she just wants to cuddle! Welp, I've got a stinky diaper (formula poop is so much worse than breast milk poop) to change!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

A Boring Saturday

Well today was pretty darn boring. Kaylin and I woke up around 8, and I did some homework while she slept. She ate and slept off and on the majority of the morning. Then I put her in her car seat and she passed out while I got ready to run some errands. We waited for a little while and then headed out. I needed to find some Mylicon and get more formula for booger.

That all being said, I'm so nervous about Monday. Like its making me sick. Monday is the day Kaylin gets her shots. :( I feel so bad, already. Gotta make sure I eat lots and stuff so I can breastfeed her during them. Ugh, I just really, really wish I could hear from Dennis. I know she'll be fine, but they seemed so much farther away on the other side of Friday! I'm worried too because I go to the OB the same day. So its going to be a crappy day for both of us. I guess I just have to take it day by day and try to relax. Though for me, that's always easier said than done!

Just over a week until Dennis is supposed to be back, I cannot wait! I miss him so much, and Kaylin's gotten so big. Gosh its only been a month, how the heck am I supposed to last a year?! *sigh* I guess we'll know soon enough. I just have to find a friend and keep busy...neither of which I've been able to do this field exercise. Last field exercise I had a few friends and no baby. Now this time I've got Kaylin and no friends that don't have kids or their hubby's are home. Since I can't take anyone in my car that has kids unless they are older, none of which are. I mean I can fit another carseat in the car no problem but it has to go behind one of the seats, which is always recommended against. *sigh*

So now I'm just avoiding reading more. Though I should really knock out this last assignment for Child Development and then start on next week's stuff for Infant and Toddler. I hate that I do the assignments but don't read. Argh, if it was actually interesting I may. Child Development is really interesting but I have to get past the boring intro crap first. Lame! Infant and Toddler is stupid, I thought it was going to be all about baby and learning stuff about them. Not how to educate and care for them in a center. Talk about let down! Then there is psychology which I've taken before, so its not in the least most interesting but probably the easiest book to read.

Bleh, guess I'm done wasting time...back to the grind. *leeee sigghhh!*

Friday, October 15, 2010

Gloomy Friday's Suck!

Ugh, today is terribly gloomy here, honestly when isn't it?! Germany is so much more pleasant when the sun is shining and it is warm out. Winter is definitely approaching, though for the first year in a while, I can wait until it snows.

I spoke with Dennis on IM yesterday, and man did we get into it. I hate fighting with him, especially when he's so far away and we hardly talk. But sometimes things are too much. This fight was stupid too. His mom is "saying" they are going to fly us out to the US for Christmas, I'm not holding my breath because I know better. So then he asks me when he can book the ticket for him to go home! Excuse me??? When did we agree that you were flying home, and why the hell are you planning on going without Kaylin and I? And when the hell are you planning on going anyways? Its her first Christmas and then our Anniversary. Both of which, he'll miss next year. Argh, I swear I could pull out my hair. Then it always turns into, "Fine you control everything, I don't want to. I suck at life..." *rolls eyes* Seriously, NOT FAIR. I'm always the bad guy when something doesn't go the way he wants. So I flat told him, "You're an adult, you make your own damn decisions. You want to go to the barracks and get piss drunk and not come home...fine don't. But the next time you tell me 'I'm going to miss so much in Kaylin's life...' you are NOT going to like the words that come out of my mouth. Because if you're going to 'miss her so much' then spend time with her." We're your family, we matter most. Yes, I understand you haven't seen the US in almost 2 years, ME EITHER. Yes, you're getting deployed soon...but I'm not going to pay $2,000 for you to go act single back in the States while I'm in Germany taking care of our daughter. Sorry, that's ridiculous. I feel like a fool because I'm trying to dig us out of this financial hole that we're in.

Ugh, I feel like crap today. I'm not even excited it is Friday. A friend's hubby is coming back today, and it makes me really miss mine. :( I'm happy for her, but at the same time I'm jealous. I hardly talk to Dennis and her hubby calls and texts every night. Sometimes I feel so left out. Dennis works crappy hours so he sleeps all day long and gets up right before work. Sometimes I just want him to think of me, and what I'm going through. But as usual its "all about him and what he wants". I'd love to tell him yes to everything, but we can't. Sometimes I just want him to cuddle up with me on the couch without being asked, turn off the Xbox and spend a night with me and a glass of wine. But instead he talks to the people he works with, while I sit at the computer and watch. Sometimes its fine, but other times its annoying as hell. Especially when I've got a baby attached to my boob, homework to do, and trying cook dinner. I mean now that she's getting the bottle I'm sure it'll help a bit, but for now its a pain in the ass. I hate stressing about everything, but I do. I can't help it, its the way I've always been.

Top it off I had my meeting with the German lawyer about my phone contract today. We're paying 100 euro a month on it so that we don't have to deal with it anymore. I tried calling Dennis all day, his phone rang but he never picked up. Then when I knew he'd be up I tried calling and it was out of service area. So he'd seen me try to call, and instead of trying to call back he just ignored it. THANKS. Is it November yet?

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Brand New to This!

Well I have never done this before but I figure that having a place to vent and talk about what is on my mind will be good thing, even if no one reads it.

Today has been a bittersweet day for me. It started out completely rough, but its 1:40 pm now and besides being tired I'm not doing too bad. I resigned from work this morning, it was hard to think about not going back but its just not financially worth it.

I finally heard from my husband who's out on field duty. It sucks, he's in podunk Germany and has like no reception. I hate not hearing from him, it's actually quite annoying!!

I've also finally made up my mind about stopping breastfeeding our daughter. I've fought with the idea for a few weeks but more so lately because she's been so fussy. I never though to connect the fact that I have been terribly stressed out to her lack of sleeping and being so fussy. So my increased stress about everything has lessened my milk production and is making it more difficult for her to eat. I've always been a stresser no matter what I do, so trying to relax to help my milk production just doesn't happen. I know the task will be exhausting too but its for the best. If she's not happy I'm not happy, which in turn makes her unhappy again. She's now been down and asleep for over an hour, and I don't believe she'll be waking up any time soon. She's finally "full".

Its hard being without your spouse and have a new baby. But I can only do my best. Yes, I'll have a melt down or two and spend the night crying, but those days will become fewer and farther in between. I'm not honestly looking forward to this upcoming deployment, but I will get through it because it will be one step closer to being back in the US!!