Saturday, April 21, 2012

Day 34 – A picture of your favorite morning

Taking home my Little

 Every now and then when I'm feeling sentimental, I look back at pictures of my Little when she was first born. Recently she sat in that car seat, and ate it alive. Instead in this picture it looks like its swallowing her!

Sleeping like an angel
I remember Dennis went to get the car, the nurse helped me into the wheelchair and I put my bundled up little girl on my lap.We got to the emergency exit where Dennis had parked the car so I didn't have to walk far, being post-surgery and all. Little was put into the car and I eased myself into the front seat. It was a miserably cold and rainy August morning.

I was slightly paranoid with the rain and the autobahn but we got her home safe and sound and laid her gently into the bassinet and proceeded to take a nap too.

Little on her first birthday

My other favorite morning was the morning that she turned 1. Since we'd had her birthday party the Saturday before, we just did something small after church. I saved a few presents for her actual birthday and this is one of my favorite shots.

She loves her "baby" 's as much as I did when I was little. I see myself in this little girl daily! From her attitude, to her addiction to stuffed animals. At this current moment I have 4 stickers plastered all over my hand from her putting them there.

Man I wouldn't trade this for the WORLD.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Toddler Dressing Olympics

So getting my toddler dressed in the morning has gone from a quick 2 minute process to a full blown race around the house. Then it dawned on me, there are many ways the sport of toddler dressing can take form.

The cooperative toddler: The time when your precious bundle of joy is actually willing to put that pudgy little arm in the shirt sleeve, or lets you put on shoes that fit just right. However, I rarely see this until half way through the dressing sport.

The run away toddler: My toddler's personal favorite event in the sport of dressing. She loves to let me get her undressed, get her new diaper on and then she flips over and runs away. There is a lot of, "Come back here." and  "You need to get dressed, Mommy has to go bye-bye. Don't you want to see Papa?" Typically all of these statements get a simple, "No." response. Then I have to get up, and chase after her while she runs into the nearest corner in a feeble attempt to hide from me. After I retrieve my darling toddler, I have to fight the thrashing and crying to get her pants and shirt on. The shoes typically are more fun for her, she likes to watch them get put on.

The could have been cooperative toddler: Once in a while, my sweet little girl will do exactly as I ask, "Go lay down in your room, you need a butt-butt change." She'll go lay down on her bedroom floor all nice and sweet and the second I grab the diaper and wipes out comes the kicking, screaming, fighting toddler. Typically this occurs more when there is a diaper rash or something...but she still kicks and fights getting dressed. I'm fairly sure that is where a good portion of the bruises on my legs have come from.

The half dressed toddler: Usually I can manage to get a diaper changed, pants and socks on my toddler easily. I'll sit her up to put the shirt over her head and hike those tiny little jeans up over her no butt, and she takes off. She laughs running around the house without a shirt on, belly hanging out. Typically I have to chase her down and get the shirt on over her head before she collapses to the floor in one of her typical morning fits.

The distracted toddler: Similar to the cooperative toddler, but instead of helping she is distracted. Be it the tv, a random toy she's yelled, "Me!" for, or a stuffed animal she's mauling for the 100th time, she's a bit more cooperative until the shirt has to get put on.

Anyone else have a fun toddler dressing story to share?

Monday, April 9, 2012

Realizations as of today.

I'm not one for regrets. Each decision, even if not the best has put me on the path that I am on now. I may not feel like I have the brightest path right now, but I also know that its always darkest before the dawn. Sometimes I wish things had turned out differently, but now I just know this is how it was meant to be.

For over a year now, I've tried building something that just doesn't exist. I've tried so desperately to repair something that was unrepairable. I spent sleepless nights worrying, and days crying. I've called people in the middle of the night and I've called people just to cry on the phone. I've had friends listen, I've had friends give advice.

I am so thankful for the girls I had in Germany. It broke my heart to leave them, even though I knew my Little and I needed to be here. Those girls got me through more in 2 years than some friends do in a lifetime. I also have to rave about the few friends that I have here. They've listened to me rant and complain about everything that has gone on.

Not once do I regret moving to Germany. If I didn't, I would have the amazing people in my life that I do, and I would most certainly not have the one little person in my life who makes everything worth living. I am fairly certain that if I didn't have her, I would have had a much harder time with everything.

Now for the realization part. I'm sick and tired of trying to create something. If someone wants to be in MY life or in my daughter's life...they will do it. I won't have to force it, or beg for it. As much as it sucks and I don't want things to end, none of that clearly matters to the other party.

Its time for me to start worrying about ME and what I want in my life. Because I know for a fact there are people in my life who are able to love my Little as much as I do.

So to you, the person that I'm talking about (because you know flat out who you are)...I'm not forcing this anymore. You want to be part of her life then step up. Because if not, there ARE people out there willing to fill those shoes. It may have taken me over a year to deal with everything but I know that from all of this I am going to be a better person and I AM all that this little girl needs in her life. For that I am certain.