Wow, after being so scared of Dennis going into the military I sure am crazy now. I can't imagine us living another life. I'd love to be home with him at a decent hour every night, but I can't imagine it. I'd love for him to see Kaylin grow up and be with her every night, but now I can't think of living in the civilian world. Its crazy to think that something as simple as normal everyday life is scary. But it really is. I can't imagine getting paid $2,000 a month and having to pay for an apartment, utilities and then all of our other bills. We get almost that now and don't have to pay anything extra. Gah!
Anyways, I'm just going to stop worrying about it. What will be...will be. Everything will work out for the best, whether we know it or not. We can do this, God will provide for my family I just have to have faith. We WILL be okay, He WILL provide for us.
Now that I've had a bit of relaxation time, I think I'm going to take a nice long shower. Its amazing what warm water and some smell goods can do for a person's attitude. :D Plus I think I need new shoes, my feet are soreeee! Its actually going up my knees so I probably do. I'm just too lazy to actually do it. :( I hate spending money on shoes, they seem so unworth it. Now what girl ever says that?!? Dennis, you got lucky. I'm not one to shop at the mall and spend all sorts of money. I'd rather just hang out at home.
I've finished 2 of 3 classes for the semester. Oh my gosh, let me tell you...its been awesome. I am so glad that I am done. Yeah, the classes have sucked...they took hours and hours and I'm exhausted but I did it. I managed 3 classes, with a newborn AND my husband in the field for a good portion of them. I just have to thank my amazing daughter, she started sleeping through the night quite well so I got some time before I got too tired and even got some sleep when I was alone. I'm hoping to get her into her own room by the end of the month, beginning of next month. But that's so sad, I don't want to move her! It means she's growing up. But she can't sleep in the pack and play next to us forever. Unfortunately.
Some friends on Facebook did Thanks-living and I think its a great idea. I just don't do it on Facebook. So again, now that I have some free time, I'm going to start my Thanks-living and each day I will strive to think up something new to be thankful for. Though, I've got 19 days to make up for....here goes....
1. I am thankful for my husband. He is so patient, understanding and sweet. When I lose my temper or get upset, I seem to take it out on him and then always feel bad later. He's just patient and lets me vent and get my feelings out. I am so thankful that I have a husband who, after a shitty day at work is still willing to rub my feet for a few minutes. Dennis, I love you. Thank you for everything you do.
2. I am thankful for my beautiful daughter. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Even when times are at their worst and I'm upset, I've always got her to smile at me and I know that somehow it will all be okay.
3. I am thankful for my Salvation. God has blessed me more than I thank him for and He is the greatest ever. I do not give him enough credit, nor do I turn to Him when I should. Though I am learning and He is responsible for bringing those who are helping me into my life. Thank you Lord, you are my King.
4. I am thankful for the rain. Even though its gloomy, nasty and gross in Germany most of the time, I am thankful that it is green and pretty. At least we hardly have any rotting grass or dying trees.
5. I am thankful for my family, even though they are 8,000 miles away. There are always there when I need them. I can cry to them, laugh with them, and even ask for advice from them. I am so thankful that my parents are involved in my life and care what I have become. Even though I took the rough road to get here, I sure hope they are proud of me.
6. I am thankful for the opportunity to continue my education. I do enjoy going back to school and I am very thankful that I was presented with the opportunity to continue to do so. Even though I am not going to school for my ideal major, at least I am able to do something.
7. I am thankful for my friends. The ones I can show up at their doorstep, ring the bell and cry to while they listen. I am thankful for the ones that show me the way, even from Florida (I LOVE YOU HEATHER JACOBSEN). Most of all I am thankful that I am able to call and talk to them and not feel afraid or stupid about what is on my mind.
8. I am thankful that we have the opportunity to live in Germany. Not many kids (at least not in the military) can say they've even MOVED, let alone lived in another country. I am proud that my daughter was born here. She'll be unique. :)
9. I am thankful that I can enjoy the little things. I never want to take a day with Kaylin, Dennis or my friends for granted. I am so glad that everyone I need is here for me, no questions asked, no matter when. I love seeing my daughter smile, stretch and even hearing her cry.
10. I am thankful for my dog. Even though he's a pain in my ass who bothers the crap out of me, he is still a fantastic dog. He's always there to cuddle when I need a hug from something a bit bigger than a baby. He's great company (though I will not admit that outloud to Dennis) when I am alone. Its nice to have him to snuggle up to, or pet when I just need a break.
11. I am thankful for sleep. Its just a great way to recharge my batteries and relax a bit. I love when I get to lay next to my husband.
12. I am thankful that my daughter is a chunky monkey. It means I am doing my job. So go ahead, call her fat. :)
13. I am thankful for my crazy, unpredictable military life. Though I get annoyed, cuss, scream and cry because of it...I have NO idea where I would be without this life. Its amazing how much I feared Dennis joining and now I can't imagine not being here.
14. I am thankful for technology. It is amazing what I can share with my family online. :)
15. I am thankful my husband and I had nothing really in common before we got together. It has made us open our eyes to new experiences. I have learned a new taste in music, movies and shows. :)
16. I am thankful that my husband is supportive of my crazy desires before he deploys. Like my desire for him to make a deployment bear and read books on video to Kaylin.
17. I am thankful for getting down to my pre-pregnancy pants so fast. I never expected to be able to fit into these again, and I am. Though I'm not down to pre-pregnancy weight, I'm close. Yippee!
18. I am thankful for the time my husband and I spend together. Even if it was video games together, we still have fun.
19. I am thankful for my life as I know it. I've gone through so much but I know that every single experience, no matter how difficult was worth it all to get where I am at. I wish I could go back and tell myself to keep my chin up, it will be alright. But since I can't I am just going to learn from the past.