Friday, October 15, 2010

Gloomy Friday's Suck!

Ugh, today is terribly gloomy here, honestly when isn't it?! Germany is so much more pleasant when the sun is shining and it is warm out. Winter is definitely approaching, though for the first year in a while, I can wait until it snows.

I spoke with Dennis on IM yesterday, and man did we get into it. I hate fighting with him, especially when he's so far away and we hardly talk. But sometimes things are too much. This fight was stupid too. His mom is "saying" they are going to fly us out to the US for Christmas, I'm not holding my breath because I know better. So then he asks me when he can book the ticket for him to go home! Excuse me??? When did we agree that you were flying home, and why the hell are you planning on going without Kaylin and I? And when the hell are you planning on going anyways? Its her first Christmas and then our Anniversary. Both of which, he'll miss next year. Argh, I swear I could pull out my hair. Then it always turns into, "Fine you control everything, I don't want to. I suck at life..." *rolls eyes* Seriously, NOT FAIR. I'm always the bad guy when something doesn't go the way he wants. So I flat told him, "You're an adult, you make your own damn decisions. You want to go to the barracks and get piss drunk and not come home...fine don't. But the next time you tell me 'I'm going to miss so much in Kaylin's life...' you are NOT going to like the words that come out of my mouth. Because if you're going to 'miss her so much' then spend time with her." We're your family, we matter most. Yes, I understand you haven't seen the US in almost 2 years, ME EITHER. Yes, you're getting deployed soon...but I'm not going to pay $2,000 for you to go act single back in the States while I'm in Germany taking care of our daughter. Sorry, that's ridiculous. I feel like a fool because I'm trying to dig us out of this financial hole that we're in.

Ugh, I feel like crap today. I'm not even excited it is Friday. A friend's hubby is coming back today, and it makes me really miss mine. :( I'm happy for her, but at the same time I'm jealous. I hardly talk to Dennis and her hubby calls and texts every night. Sometimes I feel so left out. Dennis works crappy hours so he sleeps all day long and gets up right before work. Sometimes I just want him to think of me, and what I'm going through. But as usual its "all about him and what he wants". I'd love to tell him yes to everything, but we can't. Sometimes I just want him to cuddle up with me on the couch without being asked, turn off the Xbox and spend a night with me and a glass of wine. But instead he talks to the people he works with, while I sit at the computer and watch. Sometimes its fine, but other times its annoying as hell. Especially when I've got a baby attached to my boob, homework to do, and trying cook dinner. I mean now that she's getting the bottle I'm sure it'll help a bit, but for now its a pain in the ass. I hate stressing about everything, but I do. I can't help it, its the way I've always been.

Top it off I had my meeting with the German lawyer about my phone contract today. We're paying 100 euro a month on it so that we don't have to deal with it anymore. I tried calling Dennis all day, his phone rang but he never picked up. Then when I knew he'd be up I tried calling and it was out of service area. So he'd seen me try to call, and instead of trying to call back he just ignored it. THANKS. Is it November yet?

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