Well I have never done this before but I figure that having a place to vent and talk about what is on my mind will be good thing, even if no one reads it.
Today has been a bittersweet day for me. It started out completely rough, but its 1:40 pm now and besides being tired I'm not doing too bad. I resigned from work this morning, it was hard to think about not going back but its just not financially worth it.
I finally heard from my husband who's out on field duty. It sucks, he's in podunk Germany and has like no reception. I hate not hearing from him, it's actually quite annoying!!
I've also finally made up my mind about stopping breastfeeding our daughter. I've fought with the idea for a few weeks but more so lately because she's been so fussy. I never though to connect the fact that I have been terribly stressed out to her lack of sleeping and being so fussy. So my increased stress about everything has lessened my milk production and is making it more difficult for her to eat. I've always been a stresser no matter what I do, so trying to relax to help my milk production just doesn't happen. I know the task will be exhausting too but its for the best. If she's not happy I'm not happy, which in turn makes her unhappy again. She's now been down and asleep for over an hour, and I don't believe she'll be waking up any time soon. She's finally "full".
Its hard being without your spouse and have a new baby. But I can only do my best. Yes, I'll have a melt down or two and spend the night crying, but those days will become fewer and farther in between. I'm not honestly looking forward to this upcoming deployment, but I will get through it because it will be one step closer to being back in the US!!
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