Friday, September 30, 2011

Why Yes, Parenting is Fun

There are a few things I've learned as a parent. I'm sure there are plenty more to come...but for now the simple...

Always, ALWAYS put something under your infant when changing him/her at 3 am on the couch. Even though you've changed baby on that couch safely plenty of times...the one time you chose not to even put a diaper under the diaper, is the time that precious, helpless, little child will poop on the couch. And a 3 am, that does not equal a good start to the morning.

Anything can be food for an infant, especially for a teething, mobile, mini-omnivore. Kaylin's personal favorite, flip flops. I swear this child is worse than my mom's old dogs! She can sniff out a flip flop like a shark smells a drop of blood in the water. I totally get why she likes them when she's teething, but they've been outside and they are GROSS! I can't even count the number of times I've said, "Kaylin, GROSS" this week. So start hiding your flip flops now.

Lastly, watching your child's face when he or she is scared is without a doubt, the BEST thing ever. I'm not talking the crying upset face. I'm talking that horrified, going to pee your pants, white as a ghost look. I've only experienced it a few times in Kaylin's short life but every time its better and better.

Now you may call me mean, or think I'm a bad parent. But once and a while, its just down right funny to freak them out. The first time I took Kaylin to the zoo here was an experience. We went walking up the hill to the giraffe's and I asked Kaylin if she would like to feed the giraffe's. It's been one of my favorite things to do since I was little. Naturally she shook her head no, but then again she shakes her head no at EVERYTHING. I paid for a pack of crackers and unbuckled her from the stroller. I propped her up on my "mom" hip and handed her a cracker. She immediately went to put it in her mouth (see statement #2) and I moved it away "No, Kaylin we don't eat these. These are for the giraffe's." Meanwhile a friendly giraffe began to stick its nose over the railing to grab the cracker. Then suddenly, when Kaylin's just holding the cracker looking at me, the giraffe wraps its tongue around the cracker and breaks it. Insert Kaylin's panicked cry here. She had this look of, "that damn giraffe seriously just stole my cracker!!! MOMMMMMM!!" Oh boy, I wish I could have gotten a picture, because honestly, it was epic. I fed the rest of the crackers to our friendly giraffe and we went around the zoo as I laughed at Kaylin in my head. Well we went back this week and she wouldn't even HOLD the lettuce. She shook her head over and over and when I reached up to the giraffe I felt her arm tighten around mine, her legs grasped my hip just a little tighter and she cringed into me. Again, EPIC.

The other time, Dad was playing with her on the floor. I'm sitting there too but sort of back just watching. She's got a fascination with mouths. I'm sure its come from me constantly sticking my tongue out at her to make her laugh. So she puts this small ball on top of his mouth, he puts it into his mouth and she gets this look on her face. Oh man, that was a traumatized look if I had ever seen one! She looked at me, looked back at my dad, looked back at me again and her eyes were as big as a dime! I'm sure if she could have crawled back into my vagina at that point, she would have. She even scooted backwards away from him whimpering! We all laughed SO hard, it was great. Apparently she believes now my father is not only fun, but a toy consumer too.

Lastly was today. Again don't knock it until you've tried it...I had the house to myself, and usually I'd take advantage. But with Kaylin's teething and it being warm out, I decided to venture out of the house and take her to lunch. I text one of my best friends, and her and her daughter met us for lunch at Chuck E Cheese. We played and played and then the pizza came. The electronic Chuck E was on, and I had to test my theory once more. I took her up to it and she was okay from a distance and as we got closer the creep set in. She moved her head away, her arm gripped mine, and she even tried getting away. Not that I could really blame her, those things are creepy! Imagine if she saw what USED to be on stage (all the performers that were electronic...remember...the good old days?!). I wonder if this is were my fear of mascots comes from?? Anyways, she got that terrified, about to cry look again on her face so I took one last step forward and she wasn't having any of it. So I set her down and we walked for our pizza.

Sometimes though, its the weird things that freak kids out. I would have NEVER thought she'd be afraid of my dad, the toy consumer. So yes, parenting CAN be fun.

1 comment:

Kristen said...

1. Terrified babies/toddlers = hilarity.
2. I'm going to find a way to work that "crawled back into my vagina" (quoted and linked to this post, of course...I never DON'T give credit where it's due, I swear!) thing into my blog.
3. Now I'm going to have nightmares about the old robot Chuck E. Cheese. For the love of all that is good, those things were TERRIFYING.
4. "Mom hip" is the biggest help IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. Especially in zoo-type situations.
6. I love you and I can't think of anything else to say, except VINO NEXT WEEK, MY LOVE.
7. No wait, I got something else. The "captcha" to let me post this comment is making me bust a gut...I can't stop laughing, and I have no idea why. It's "apsesisi." Say it out loud. Try not to pee your pants.