T'was the night before the night before Christmas...

Well Kaylin's had her 4 month shots and check up. My baby weighs a whopping 14 pounds 1 ounce! Almost doubled her birth weight!!! And I thought she was a chunky thing. Guess she's perfect all around. Doctor even said she thinks she's a few months ahead in motor development, definitely makes me a proud mama! I can't believe how big she's gotten, in just a few months time. She hardly fits into her 0-3 month Gerber clothes. Wow, how time flies. I can't believe in just a few short months she will be a whole 6 months old, and Dennis will be heading off to the "great" sandbox.

This Christmas is definitely a bittersweet one for me. On one hand I am so excited for Christmas to come. I can't wait to see the look on Kaylin's face when she sees the toys and clothes. And I can't wait to see the look on Dennis' face when he see's what all he's gotten. He has no clue on a lot of stuff this year, especially because he's been gone. But on the other hand I'm sad because this is the last "major" holiday before this deployment. We have our anniversary and New Year's but Christmas is like it. Part of me wants to just say, "bring it on, Army!" Then the other part wants my husband to stay here safely beside me. I guess the only positive thing about this deployment will be the chance to get out of debt. I can't wait until we can not have to worry about all this crazy debt on our shoulders. It'll be so nice to only have school loans to stress over. At least, that is my goal by the end of this deployment. Oh and of course the getting out of Germany thing we'll be doing once he gets back. Out of this hell hole, out of this world. Don't get me wrong, we like Germany but we hate Baumholder. 2 stop lights, a down town full of strip clubs and over priced everything kinda makes life tougher here. I sorta wish we got stationed here earlier when the Deutche marks were still around. We would have loved it here, so easy to travel!

Hmmm, Dennis is in there playing Black Ops yelling at his friends. Maybe its time to make him turn off the Xbox and watch a movie with me. :D

No pity

So at first today I felt bad for Dennis because Kaylin was fussy and pissed off. But then as he's preparing to leave for the gym...AGAIN I lose my pity. She doesn't want him, because he's never around. When he is around, he doesn't play with her...she's more of a pain in the ass than anything. So why the fuck does he expect her to want to be around him?! Yeah, I understand he needs to keep his weight under check, but for crying out loud...he JUST got back after being gone 18 days. Before that it was like he wasn't even home, he hardly came home at all. Is it too much to ask to SEE my husband while he's on leave?! I mean this is the LAST time we have together before deployment, how the fuck does he think its okay. Honestly, I'm SHAKING I'm so pissed off.

So I threw a bottle of Ibuprofen

So now that I'm calmed down, I've decided to share the events of the last few weeks...

Its 11 pm, I'm just about to go to bed when my cell phone rings. I grab it and worry because Dennis has already called for the evening. The voice is male, and he tells me he is from the Red Cross, my heart drops...something happened to my husband...the guy continues to tell me he is calling about Dennis' sister. Again, my heart drops...but he continues to say she is fine and basically that "she'd really like to see her big brother"....well yes, we'd all like to go to the States but we CAN'T AFFORD IT. You swore you'd pay for us to come out, you lied...now tell your daughter THAT. So I call to confront her and she basically tells me to fuck off and that I'd do the same thing for my daughter. I'd do anything for my daughter but I would not send a Red Cross message to my son to pull at his heartstrings. Sorry, that's cruel.

Things settle down from that and then I get on Dennis' facebook and see that his mom wrote him about his sister doing a "Make a Wish" thing, and they may be out here in January. Great...expect him not to be home because he'll be packing for deployment. Don't start getting pissed at him because of it all. Sorry! We'd love to see you but you have SHITTY timing. She then proceeds to ask me if they'll give him a few days off because they'll be here. UM, no. He's already taken leave and they'll be leaving soon...what do you think?? Oh and for what I know they haven't even packed their stuff yet. FUN. I'll hardly see him and now all I'm gonna hear is how he isn't around when they come out all this way...sorry we warned you. *shrug*

So fast forward to yesterday...only a few days before Dennis is supposed to be home, *phew* but I looked to see if his check had hit the bank account yet, and all the sudden I see a charge from Amazon. Hmmmm, maybe Dennis bought something from there. No big deal, I figured I'd ask him when he calls so I know if I should open packages or not. He tells me he never ordered anything. So I do some digging because this is weird. Come to find out it was MY card that was used even though I have it. CRAP. So I hold my card, and then pull out money and cancel the card. So all I have in my wallet right now is all we have till Dennis gets home. Gah I'm just so frustrated with it!

Then today I was supposed to take a final for one of my classes. I go make the appointment, drop Kaylin off at my friend's and head off. Its snowing, I'm annoyed because of my card, and I'm exhausted. So when I cannot find my test, I'm irritated. Its the only day I can do it and there is NO test. I email my teacher, but hear nothing back. *sigh* Stupid online classes!

I did my few errands, put minutes back on my phone and picked up Kaylin. We got home, she ate and we napped. I really hoped it would help me wake up in a better mood but it did not. I fed Kaylin and she got tired so she started fussing. I got hungry so I put her in her crib so I could eat. I had a headache so I reached for the bottle of Ibuprofen. It would NOT open. I had it just right and everything...that's when I snapped. I chucked the bottle of Ibuprofen and it opened, spilled all over the floor.

*sigh*

Things....

I haven't updated this in a while. I'm sorry, its been a hell of a month. Between school, Dennis' school, Kaylin, family, and life in general I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Dennis' mom sent a red cross message a few weeks ago...for basically no reason. So I got to deal with THAT, then on top of it all Kaylin is being a pain in the butt lately.

I don't really want to go into details at the moment, maybe one day I will. But for now I'm just sick of all of this, and I want my husband home.