Lemonade

Part of seeing the good is seeing the bad. If we weren't given the bad, we'd never know what good actually is. Yes the bad hurts, it sucks, and we'd all like it to come way less often. But how often do we stop mid-storm and actually be thankful for what we do have?

Right now, some days I feel like I'm surrounded by bad. If its not one thing, its another. The tears come more frequently than I'd like. And sure, I've got great days, and I've got days where its a struggle to even get dressed. But then I stop and watch Kaylin. I watch her learn, I watch her walk around the house. I enjoy imagining what her little brain is thinking.

People told me not to push Kaylin to talk, because once she starts she won't stop. She'll get into everything and cause trouble. Honestly, there is nothing more that I enjoy than watching that little one walk around the house. Down to how she pulls her diapers of out their spot and opens them all up. I love how when something is neat on the TV, she stops and looks up at the tv.

I'll be honest, it can be very hard to see the good in all that has happened over the last few months. However I do not pretend to understand why. Because I will never be able to understand why things have happened like they have. It took a while to accept that I probably never will understand it, but instead I leave it all up to God. He's got all of this in control, and I know that Kaylin was the good that was supposed to come out of this. Without her, I'm sure I would have spent way too many hours crying in bed, not eating. I'd end up like I was a few years ago, no focus...lost and hurt.

Instead, I now know that I want to be a better person for her. I want to give her the life I had, where she doesn't want anything and could be happy no matter what happens.

I guess all I'm trying to get at tonight, is when life gives you lemons...either make lemonade, or throw the lemons back. Holding those lemons only makes you sour.