A 2011 Send Off

2011 has brought a lot of new feelings, new experiences, new emotions.

After Dennis deployed, I learned how to go from being a new Mommy to a Mommy and a Daddy. I took on every responsibility in the house. Some, I failed at. Other things I feel I succeeded at.

This year I took a full course load in school, was FRG leader, arranged a move across the world, and started the extremely slow process of rebuilding my shattered world.

Hopefully 2012 will bring the Little and I plenty of amazing moments. How I wish I could be celebrating with my friends in Germany, I know the things are where God has planned. I may not like them, but it is all about accepting what I cannot change and dealing with what I have on my plate.

I've learned a lot in 2011, I've been let down and I've seen the people that will be there through it all. I've laughed and cried; made new friends and said "see ya later" to old friends.

I don't know where I'll be this time next year, but I can't say I regret any decision that I made. I've grown from each individual one.

So here's to you 2011, a year I'd love to say I "wish I could forget" but one I know will make me stronger when I look back on it.

Day 22 – A picture of something you never leave the house without

There a lot of things I typically don't leave the house without doing. My make up, toenails painted (if I'm wearing flip flops; or toe revealing shoes), hair at least done (even if done means a messy bun) and of course when I leave the house with the Little, I have to make sure we've got enough diapers, wipes, snacks, juice cup, and pacifier with the cool leash.

But rarely (if ever) do I leave the house without my cell phone. I'm the one that will run up the 7 flights of stairs to grab my cell phone when I've forgotten it.

Its so funny to think about how much technology has changed lives today. Not only are we breaking through in the medical field, you can access the internet at any time, anywhere, and do basically anything.

And even now I cannot imagine leaving the house without a phone that connects me to the internet. Or actually my phone at all. I don't even know how the people who lived in even the 1980's survived. What did they do when their car broke down on the side of the road? I mean I totally get walking to the nearest house/gas station and using their pay phone. But that would really suck. Its amazing at how much things have grown.

Once people had to keep track of their money by balancing their check books and comparing their end of month bank statements. Now we have online banking and our account balance available at our fingertips. Letter writing, check writing, and typewriter ribbon are all a thing of the past.

With everything we have now I'm curious to see what is going to be the next thing. I wonder what Kaylin won't leave the house without.

Day 21 – A picture of something you wish you could forget

Typically I am not one of those people who wants to forget things. Not because there isn't plenty that I could wish to forget, but more because I believe that every experience, whether good or bad, has shaped who I am today. Even with all the bad with Dennis, I wouldn't have my adorable little girl to spoil the heck out of this Christmas.

Early in high school, I went through a huge horror movie phase. I wanted to see them all, Friday the 13th, The Exorcist, Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween. You name it, my goal was to see it. Not because they scared me, more because they were funny and it definitely peeked my interested. In the middle of The Exorcist my mom came down and says,

Has her head spun around and has she puked green slime, yet?

No mom, but thanks for ruining the movie.

 However there is one movie I could have lived without seeing. Pet Sematary. That movie is as weird as it is creepy. Unlike some of my other friends, the creepiest and grossest part of the entire movie was when the little creepy, half dead toddler (would that count as a zombie toddler??!!) sliced the Achilles Tendon's of the old guy as he leaned over to look under the bed.

Knowing what I know about anatomy, that man wouldn't be able to walk. You know, the Achilles Tendon connects the heel to the muscles of the lower leg. Not only would the elderly man be bleeding out and in an enormous amount of pain, but he'd also be completely unable to walk. Without your Achilles Tendon, your calf muscles would curl up and you'd be out of luck.

THAT is definitely an image that I wouldn't mine forgetting.

My hanger hand...

Around the same time I started hanging my own clothes up, I realized my aversion to wire hangers. I loathe the way they feel, all covered (though some aren't) with the plastic sheath. They are just a pain, too thin, too small and just don't look right hanging up in a clothes.

After living on my own, I noticed one thing. I liked required my hangers to all match. Color, shape, style. They can't differ, it makes me crazy! I even have a slight preference to white ones with the little hooks underneath the top part of the hanger so its easy to hook cami's and tank tops.

Morale of that story, the hangers have to be white. All matching, white hangers. Laugh, its okay I'll be here when you stop.

Better? Perfect.

Now I've worked a fair few retail jobs. However never in all my memory (which either is apparently not that great [highly possible] or I'm choosing to forget) have I worked with hangers like the ones at my current job. I'm not sure if it is the metal stands they use to hold the clothes, the hangers themselves, or a strange, yet probable, combination of both. But those hangers are NASTY. I can unload the fitting room first thing on my shift and my "hanger hand" is already got black marks on it. Did I already mention they are a weird combination of wire top and plastic bottom? No, okay well now you know.

I continually joke with a few girls at work that I am going to start wearing a sort of apron to work equipped with my awesome size remover tool that I'm fairly certain I could use as a self defense weapon in a dire emergency, an oversize bottle of industrial strength hand sanitizer, and about 30 pens and a note pad. I'm not totally positive how well it would go over with our "dress casual" dress code, but maybe if I got a fancy 3 pocket apron with lace?

Either way, I'm at least seriously considering carrying around my own yummy scented hand sanitizer. My hanger hand always seem to wreak of old metal, dirt, and sweat. And for some reason, it feels like it never goes away. Which is why I need my yummy scented Bath & Body Works sanitizer. Well that and the fact that I bought 5 small travel bottles when I first got here and apparently don't go through it nearly as fast as I did in Germany where is was nearly impossible to find a replacement bottle.

While lathering my hands with yet another dose of sanitizer, probably the 3rd for the evening I was joking about my "hanger hand". My mind always goes a mile a minute, unless that is slow then I'll say at the speed of light, (take your pick) and I began thinking of hands. Thinking of hands led me to that one scene in Scary Movie 2 where the creepy guy sticks out his deformed hand to help the guy up and goes, "Here! Take my good hand."

Oh gosh while you sit there confused I'll just get you a picture...

See now all you can think about is me going around the store with my "hanger hand" and quoting this movie. Its okay, you can laugh now.

Where are the spoons going?!

College, the time when young adults find themselves. Some spend night after night in an alcohol induced slumber, while others have a table at the school library just for themselves. Its all about the changes. The first weeks of being "on your own", no parents to tell you what to do or how to spend your time, living with a roommate in such close quarters, having only class to attend part of the time. It all took some massive getting used to. After reading Meredith's blog on how people like to steal her underwear, I recalled some of my short, yet eventful "roommate" experiences.

For the first two years of my college life, I attended the University of Northern Colorado in pursuit of a nursing degree. I decided at the last minute that I was going to switch from the University of North Dakota (see a pattern here?) and go closer to home, and in doing so I was behind in getting everything together. By the time I had gotten all my ducks in a row, I was in one of the last remaining dorms on campus. It was by far the more expensive of the dorms but hey, I didn't have a community bathroom. Which sucked quite a few times when you had to pee and you're roommate was showering.

I remember when my housing assignment came in the mail. I was so excited, I had a roommate. I got the college experience. My roommate and I made plans to meet for lunch one day. I remember being struck by how pretty she was. Sort of like a dark haired Barbie doll. We got along fairly well, even worked out what each of us was going to bring for the dorm. I was in charge of bringing the microwave, coffee pot and a few other odds and ends.

When we finally got settled into our new roles as independent, college students I noticed how very different we really were. I was sort of a home body. I liked to stay at the dorms, study and talk to my (then) boyfriend, who became my husband. Not that I didn't enjoy cutting loose with friends, getting massively intoxicated and running around town really wasn't my cup of tea; for a while anyways.

That first year it was sort of like I didn't even have a roommate. She always slept at her boyfriend's house, was rarely at the dorm. After the beginning of the spring semester, she moved over to the other campus after breaking up with that boyfriend. So I pretty much had an entire room to myself, while paying for only half.

She wasn't by far the worst roommate ever, but I really can't complain...much.

During that year I had another friend that I knew in high school. We got really close and even agreed to get an apartment off campus together with Dennis. We moved in the following August a few days before classes started.

My grandmother had given me the majority of the stuff she had in her house with my grandfather after he passed away, so I offered to bring up my stuff to help furnish the apartment. It sure beat paying storage fees! The three of us lived in a sort of "bliss" for a few months until something, unknown to me, drove Dennis and I apart from her.

Suddenly Dennis and I were having more of these kinds of conversations:

Dennis are there anymore spoons lying around?

No. I found them all. At least the ones we used.

Are you sure? We used to have like 8 of them. Now there are 5. 

I don't know, Ash. Maybe they are in her room. 

He motions toward our roommate's closed bedroom door.

Slowly our spoons started disappearing. One by one. Eventually we only had 4 or so left, so I had to pull out the random spare set my grandmother had always used.

I was completely and totally baffled. I didn't get it. The dishes were hand washed and I had checked every nook and cranny of that apartment that was ours or shared. The only logical explanation:

She's taking my spoons, Dennis. 

What do you mean 'she's taking your spoons'?

I have searched this apartment high and low, cleaned every possible small surface. They have to be in THERE.

I stick my hand out toward her door once again. It was the only part of the apartment I hadn't looked. I was trying to give her every possible amount of privacy I could. I didn't have any other evidence. In fact it was possible the spoons were somewhere at work but we hardly ever brought our lunches from home, so I wasn't hopeful.

Even now, 4 years later I still don't have a full set of spoons. I think I ended up with 5. And I'm still not 100% sure where all my spoons went.

Day 20 – A picture of somewhere you’d love to travel

Unlike many of my friends, I never had a huge travel bug. Sure I'd like to go see some of these far and distant places, but I didn't feel like my life would be incomplete if I didn't.

When I started high school, my World History (should that be capitalized?) teacher told us how he takes a small group of students to far off places during their senior year's spring break. I remember my dad coming home from parent's night that year and we began talking about my favorite teacher.

A few years later, my senior year of high school, I found out that teacher was taking students to Europe for 10 days. 10 days in London, Paris, and Rome. I went home and told my Dad I was determined to make that MY trip. And low and behold, I spent 10 amazing days in Europe.

Now let's not forget our 2 years in Germany. Even though we didn't travel nearly as much as I would have liked, being able to say that I lived in Germany and had my daughter in Germany is something the majority of people don't get to say.

Of all the places I've had the pleasure to visit in my short life, there are still plenty of places the travel bug in me is itching to see. With this post my mind jumped from various locations across the globe, mostly tropical with this time of year.

 However, I would LOVE to visit Australia. The Great Down Under.

When we lived in Germany I would always watch this wanna be version of Baywatch mixed with the reality of one of the most dangerous beaches in the world. Bondi Rescue became one of my favorite shows, nearly instantaneously. I mean who wouldn't love hot, Australian men (with that incredibly yummy accent) who are in astonishing shape, running around on a beach saving lives. I would get into trouble on that beach just to be rescued by one.

Insert my desire to visit the island. I certainly wouldn't mind seeing a kangaroo in its native habitat, swim in ice blue water, and spend Christmas Day with my toes buried deep in warm sand.

Honestly, who wouldn't want to visit? Look how pretty it is!

Day 19 – A picture of something you love to do.

My fascination with cross stitch began at a young age when a family friend had a baby. I wanted to make her something, but I really didn't have any ideas. My mom suggested that I try adding cross stitch to a bib from Hobby Lobby.

Now nearly a decade later, I am still finding little projects to do. I really enjoy making baby record's. I absolutely love the one I chose for my Little.

It keeps my hands busy when I don't really want to be doing something actively. Plus its nice to stab something every once in a while. Hehe! I love to see something that started out small, plain and ordinary turn into something completely extraordinary. Sometimes I complete the projects quickly, and others life completely gets in the way. But after I'm done with every one of them, I'm able to look at it with pride.