So I threw a bottle of Ibuprofen

So now that I'm calmed down, I've decided to share the events of the last few weeks...

Its 11 pm, I'm just about to go to bed when my cell phone rings. I grab it and worry because Dennis has already called for the evening. The voice is male, and he tells me he is from the Red Cross, my heart drops...something happened to my husband...the guy continues to tell me he is calling about Dennis' sister. Again, my heart drops...but he continues to say she is fine and basically that "she'd really like to see her big brother"....well yes, we'd all like to go to the States but we CAN'T AFFORD IT. You swore you'd pay for us to come out, you lied...now tell your daughter THAT. So I call to confront her and she basically tells me to fuck off and that I'd do the same thing for my daughter. I'd do anything for my daughter but I would not send a Red Cross message to my son to pull at his heartstrings. Sorry, that's cruel.

Things settle down from that and then I get on Dennis' facebook and see that his mom wrote him about his sister doing a "Make a Wish" thing, and they may be out here in January. Great...expect him not to be home because he'll be packing for deployment. Don't start getting pissed at him because of it all. Sorry! We'd love to see you but you have SHITTY timing. She then proceeds to ask me if they'll give him a few days off because they'll be here. UM, no. He's already taken leave and they'll be leaving soon...what do you think?? Oh and for what I know they haven't even packed their stuff yet. FUN. I'll hardly see him and now all I'm gonna hear is how he isn't around when they come out all this way...sorry we warned you. *shrug*

So fast forward to yesterday...only a few days before Dennis is supposed to be home, *phew* but I looked to see if his check had hit the bank account yet, and all the sudden I see a charge from Amazon. Hmmmm, maybe Dennis bought something from there. No big deal, I figured I'd ask him when he calls so I know if I should open packages or not. He tells me he never ordered anything. So I do some digging because this is weird. Come to find out it was MY card that was used even though I have it. CRAP. So I hold my card, and then pull out money and cancel the card. So all I have in my wallet right now is all we have till Dennis gets home. Gah I'm just so frustrated with it!

Then today I was supposed to take a final for one of my classes. I go make the appointment, drop Kaylin off at my friend's and head off. Its snowing, I'm annoyed because of my card, and I'm exhausted. So when I cannot find my test, I'm irritated. Its the only day I can do it and there is NO test. I email my teacher, but hear nothing back. *sigh* Stupid online classes!

I did my few errands, put minutes back on my phone and picked up Kaylin. We got home, she ate and we napped. I really hoped it would help me wake up in a better mood but it did not. I fed Kaylin and she got tired so she started fussing. I got hungry so I put her in her crib so I could eat. I had a headache so I reached for the bottle of Ibuprofen. It would NOT open. I had it just right and everything...that's when I snapped. I chucked the bottle of Ibuprofen and it opened, spilled all over the floor.

*sigh*

Things....

I haven't updated this in a while. I'm sorry, its been a hell of a month. Between school, Dennis' school, Kaylin, family, and life in general I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Dennis' mom sent a red cross message a few weeks ago...for basically no reason. So I got to deal with THAT, then on top of it all Kaylin is being a pain in the butt lately.

I don't really want to go into details at the moment, maybe one day I will. But for now I'm just sick of all of this, and I want my husband home.

Start the coundown

Dennis left for WLC this morning. I'm already wishing he'd be back. I've decided that the next time he decides to get promoted and has to go away for schooling he is to clear it with me first. I have to check the Kaylin and mommy sickness calendar (to make sure we do not have any upcoming sickness' scheduled), the school assignment board (so that I do not get stuck with all your homework), and the snow storm forecast.

See both Kaylin and I have come down with mysterious nose sickness X. She's stuffy and crabby and my throat hurts, my nose is stuffy and runny, and I'm crabby. So we're both total crabs and have no desire to do anything but mope around the house. Well the battalion was doing a small fundraiser and pictures with Santa. So I took Kaylin and got her picture taken, we stayed for a while and then left. I got her some more toys for Christmas...I swear this child is SO spoiled!! :D I love spoiling my baby!!

Dennis' platoon sergeant decided he needed to go back to school. So he told him to apply for classes while they were in the field. So he got stuck doing school work right now and guess who gets the load!!? Yup, ME! I better get super wife of the year award or something, because being up at 3 am to take him to the bus and doing his homework for him definitely deserves it. Oh did I mention it SNOWED like no other?! Yeahhh, dusting snow off a cold car at 3:30, sucks.

Top it off that snow storm dumped a bit of snow on us. Nothing that was "terrible" and should shut down the post, but seriously...it sucks! I hate driving in the snow, not that I'm not experienced in it, but still. Can't it snow and be warm?! Puhhhlleeeasseee???

I've decided tomorrow is getting caught up on Dennis homework, and vegging at the house. I think its going to be another pajama only sort of day. I love those days, no agenda just hanging around snuggling. Maybe I'll finish decorating the house so that I can take all these boxes downstairs!

Oh and I hate when my Mikes Hard Lemonade is more lemonadey than it is hard. :) Just sayin!

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas

So I got ticked off with Dennis' attitude yesterday and told him to stop being a Grinch. Next year when he's deployed he'll be pissed off knowing that we're here celebrating while he's away (though we'll miss him). He came home from the gym and helped me with no issues. Either he just sucked it up or he realized that he should at least make the best of it. We'll spend Christmas with family soon enough.

I think Kaylin is feeling better, so maybe its a bit of a cold and mostly teething! Well I should definitely hope anyways. I hate her being sick. :(

I've got a few more decorations to hang and we're done. Hopefully Kaylin will take a chill pill and I can do it! I love this time of year!!

Whelp its been snowing all day which sucks. Dennis took my car so Kaylin and I are stuck at the house today. No biggie, the roads SUCK around here anyways! Though the snow makes my decorations a bit more fitting!!!

Now its time to cuddle up on the couch with Kaylin and snuggle!!!

Tis the season

So with Dennis supposed to go to WLC this week I asked him if we can put up the tree and things now so we can enjoy it together since he'll be gone for most of December. Whatever right? Well we're taking stuff out of the basement and he's complaining! He does this EVERY year. I get so annoyed because all I want is a nice Christmas and he has to sit and complain about everything. GRRR. Can't he just be thankful and happy? I honestly hope next year he regrets how he's acted because Kaylin and I will be putting up the Christmas tree and celebrating together and he'll be deployed. Who knows, maybe it won't phase him at all. As much as I wish he'd realize that I doubt he ever will. *sigh*

I totally could go for a nap right now, but I've got a billion loads of laundry to do. Somehow even though I did laundry last weekend, it piled up super high again this week! I don't think it helped I let Kaylin's go for a while, though I could. That child has SO many clothes I have trouble fitting it all in the dresser!

Anyways, we got a new Christmas tree this year. Our one from my grandparents just isn't going to make it another year. :( As much as it breaks my heart, we have to replace it. But the new one looks very good, I just have to put the lights on it and then we'll decorate. I can't wait to see Kaylin's eyes when she sees it all pretty. We've got the majority of Kaylin's shopping done, which excites me. I just have to start wrapping them and maybe find a few from Santa.

Thanksgiving 2010

Well its Thanksgiving, a day for food, family and recognizing that we have lots to be thankful for everyday not just once a year. :)

This being Kaylin's first Thanksgiving we are very excited. I am so thankful that she is in our lives, she frustrates me to no end some days, but then I can't imagine not having her around. I love when she smiles, it makes my day. Knowing that she loves me and depends on me is the best feeling in the entire world.

We also had our first really good snow fall of the year. =] It is wonderful. I love to watch the snow fall. We took Kaylin out in it and she didn't particularly care for it, poor girl. I am so thankful for my family.

Just be thankful

Wow, after being so scared of Dennis going into the military I sure am crazy now. I can't imagine us living another life. I'd love to be home with him at a decent hour every night, but I can't imagine it. I'd love for him to see Kaylin grow up and be with her every night, but now I can't think of living in the civilian world. Its crazy to think that something as simple as normal everyday life is scary. But it really is. I can't imagine getting paid $2,000 a month and having to pay for an apartment, utilities and then all of our other bills. We get almost that now and don't have to pay anything extra. Gah!

Anyways, I'm just going to stop worrying about it. What will be...will be. Everything will work out for the best, whether we know it or not. We can do this, God will provide for my family I just have to have faith. We WILL be okay, He WILL provide for us.

Now that I've had a bit of relaxation time, I think I'm going to take a nice long shower. Its amazing what warm water and some smell goods can do for a person's attitude. :D Plus I think I need new shoes, my feet are soreeee! Its actually going up my knees so I probably do. I'm just too lazy to actually do it. :( I hate spending money on shoes, they seem so unworth it. Now what girl ever says that?!? Dennis, you got lucky. I'm not one to shop at the mall and spend all sorts of money. I'd rather just hang out at home.

I've finished 2 of 3 classes for the semester. Oh my gosh, let me tell you...its been awesome. I am so glad that I am done. Yeah, the classes have sucked...they took hours and hours and I'm exhausted but I did it. I managed 3 classes, with a newborn AND my husband in the field for a good portion of them. I just have to thank my amazing daughter, she started sleeping through the night quite well so I got some time before I got too tired and even got some sleep when I was alone. I'm hoping to get her into her own room by the end of the month, beginning of next month. But that's so sad, I don't want to move her! It means she's growing up. But she can't sleep in the pack and play next to us forever. Unfortunately.

Some friends on Facebook did Thanks-living and I think its a great idea. I just don't do it on Facebook. So again, now that I have some free time, I'm going to start my Thanks-living and each day I will strive to think up something new to be thankful for. Though, I've got 19 days to make up for....here goes....

1. I am thankful for my husband. He is so patient, understanding and sweet. When I lose my temper or get upset, I seem to take it out on him and then always feel bad later. He's just patient and lets me vent and get my feelings out. I am so thankful that I have a husband who, after a shitty day at work is still willing to rub my feet for a few minutes. Dennis, I love you. Thank you for everything you do.

2. I am thankful for my beautiful daughter. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Even when times are at their worst and I'm upset, I've always got her to smile at me and I know that somehow it will all be okay.

3. I am thankful for my Salvation. God has blessed me more than I thank him for and He is the greatest ever. I do not give him enough credit, nor do I turn to Him when I should. Though I am learning and He is responsible for bringing those who are helping me into my life. Thank you Lord, you are my King.

4. I am thankful for the rain. Even though its gloomy, nasty and gross in Germany most of the time, I am thankful that it is green and pretty. At least we hardly have any rotting grass or dying trees.

5. I am thankful for my family, even though they are 8,000 miles away. There are always there when I need them. I can cry to them, laugh with them, and even ask for advice from them. I am so thankful that my parents are involved in my life and care what I have become. Even though I took the rough road to get here, I sure hope they are proud of me.

6. I am thankful for the opportunity to continue my education. I do enjoy going back to school and I am very thankful that I was presented with the opportunity to continue to do so. Even though I am not going to school for my ideal major, at least I am able to do something.

7. I am thankful for my friends. The ones I can show up at their doorstep, ring the bell and cry to while they listen. I am thankful for the ones that show me the way, even from Florida (I LOVE YOU HEATHER JACOBSEN). Most of all I am thankful that I am able to call and talk to them and not feel afraid or stupid about what is on my mind.

8. I am thankful that we have the opportunity to live in Germany. Not many kids (at least not in the military) can say they've even MOVED, let alone lived in another country. I am proud that my daughter was born here. She'll be unique. :)

9. I am thankful that I can enjoy the little things. I never want to take a day with Kaylin, Dennis or my friends for granted. I am so glad that everyone I need is here for me, no questions asked, no matter when. I love seeing my daughter smile, stretch and even hearing her cry.

10. I am thankful for my dog. Even though he's a pain in my ass who bothers the crap out of me, he is still a fantastic dog. He's always there to cuddle when I need a hug from something a bit bigger than a baby. He's great company (though I will not admit that outloud to Dennis) when I am alone. Its nice to have him to snuggle up to, or pet when I just need a break.

11. I am thankful for sleep. Its just a great way to recharge my batteries and relax a bit. I love when I get to lay next to my husband.

12. I am thankful that my daughter is a chunky monkey. It means I am doing my job. So go ahead, call her fat. :)

13. I am thankful for my crazy, unpredictable military life. Though I get annoyed, cuss, scream and cry because of it...I have NO idea where I would be without this life. Its amazing how much I feared Dennis joining and now I can't imagine not being here.

14. I am thankful for technology. It is amazing what I can share with my family online. :)

15. I am thankful my husband and I had nothing really in common before we got together. It has made us open our eyes to new experiences. I have learned a new taste in music, movies and shows. :)

16. I am thankful that my husband is supportive of my crazy desires before he deploys. Like my desire for him to make a deployment bear and read books on video to Kaylin.

17. I am thankful for getting down to my pre-pregnancy pants so fast. I never expected to be able to fit into these again, and I am. Though I'm not down to pre-pregnancy weight, I'm close. Yippee!

18. I am thankful for the time my husband and I spend together. Even if it was video games together, we still have fun.

19. I am thankful for my life as I know it. I've gone through so much but I know that every single experience, no matter how difficult was worth it all to get where I am at. I wish I could go back and tell myself to keep my chin up, it will be alright. But since I can't I am just going to learn from the past.